Babeled

There are a lot of easy ways to make vlookup functions in Excel more functional.  I find that a fair amount of people have difficulty getting a vlookup function to work in the manner they wanted it to, so I was thinking that first it might help to really understand the purpose and the four basic parts to the function.  The purpose of a vlookup function (vlookup means “vertical lookup”) is to retrieve a piece of data in a table by using a unique identifier as a reference.  The fact that it is vertical means that the unique identifier must be arranged in a column of the data table you are referencing.

The Four Parts of a vlookup function

1. lookup_value: this is the unique identifier.  It must be a piece of data in the reference data table.
2. table_array: this is the reference data table.  Do not include row or column headers, only include the data itself.  The first column of the table_array must always contain the lookup_value and be sorted in ascending order based on the first column.  This will prevent a large number of lookup failures.
3. col_index_num: assign a number (1,2,3,…) to the columns in the table_ array from left to right, and indicate the number of the column that contains the piece of data you are trying to retrieve.
4. [Range_lookup]:  you must indicate either “true” or “false”.  “True” means that the lookup_value does not have to exactly match the data in the first column of the table_array in order to produce a result.  “False” means that the lookup_value must exactly match the data in the first column in the table_array in order to produce a result.

Tip:  Many times failures in the lookup occur because the formatting of the lookup_value is not the same as the formatting in the first column of the table_array.  Ensure that the formatting of these two columns are identical.

How do I get rid of the annoying #N/A results when the lookup doesn’t find the lookup_value in the table_array?

Good question.  I find that there are usually many different ways of achieving the same goal when using Excel, but here is my solution.  Embed the vlookup function in both an IF and an ISERROR function and you have the ability to determine what results display when both the vlookup function does and does not have a result.  In this way, if you are trying to lookup numerical data such as dollars, you have the ability to make the formula result in a 0 instead of the dreaded #N/A (that which always ruins your sum formulas!!!)

Example: This is the formula result when using the parameters of a standard vlookup as shown above.

The #N/A indicates that the invoice number being looked up was not found in the reference data table, or table_array.  These error results will prevent you from being able to perform numerical calculations.  Instead, embed the vlookup function inside an ISERROR function, and use that as the first argument in an IF function.  Sounds confusing?  Let’s break it down.  (The syntax for this compound function is at the top of the image below)

Basically, what you are saying with this formula is, “If this vlookup function doesn’t work, return zero as the value; if the vlookup function does work, then return the vlookup function’s result.”  Below is an image of what this formula’s result is using the same information as the image above.  Notice the #N/A results are now zeroes.  This will enable the user to add numerical calculations without getting errors.

Get creative with this one particular compound function.  You have the ability to tell the spreadsheet what to do if the vlookup works and if it doesn’t work, so imagine the possibilities.  If you were looking up text strings, for example, you can have this function return “Record Not Found” instead of zero as in the example.  This type of function returns better visual quality results and allows for minimization of extraneous data manipulation such as finding and replacing, additional sorting, etc. required to produce numerically calculable results.

Popularity: 4% [?]

In this tutorial we are going to examine one technique for creating smoke effects with Photoshop.  For this exercise I am using CS3, however earlier versions of Photoshop will be able to perform the steps necessary for creating an excellent smoke effect.  This Photoshop tutorial will cover the usage of various Filters and Tools.  A basic knowledge of creating new layers, applying gradients, using the Polygonal Lasso Tool, Dodge Tool, Wave Filter and Liquify Filter will help you in this tutorial.

…and begin

Step 1

First create a new file.  I am using an image size of 500 x 200.  You may want to work on a larger palette since it is easy to reduce the image size later without sacrificing quality.

Add a new layer and start with a dark background that way your smoke will have a far more noticeable appearance.  I have chosen to use a gradient of deep purple (#1B041A) to black (#000000).

Step 2

Add a new layer so we can make a shape with the Polygonal Lasso Tool.  In this step, it is only important to create a shape that will be roughly similar to your desired form for your smoke.  Draw your lines with the Polygonal Lasso Tool and be sure to enclose the entire shape you come up with.

Next apply a light color gradient to the shape, I am using light orange (#F8D3C1) to orange (#BA4207).

Step 3

Select the Dodge Tool, and you can use the following settings as a starting point: Brush: 35px, Range: Highlights, and Exposure at 50%.

With this selection, use the Dodge Tool in the corners of your shape, or anywhere in the shape for that matter, as it will add some color depth to the smoke effect when we are all finished up.  You may also want to try using the Burn Tool in this step as well.  I encourage you to play around with Brush Size, Range, and Exposure settings as you try to find your right mix.  The great part of using Photoshop is adding your own touch and interpretation to your work!

Now for the fun part… Where the smoke really begins to take shape.

Step 4

Go to Filter –> Liquify.  The execution of this step’s technique is really up to you.  I set my Brush Size to 103px, Brush Density to 50, and the Brush Pressure to 100.  Then I just moved the brush about my shape in a steady sweeping motion; blending and moving my soon-to-be smoke into a pattern I found suitable.  Go nuts and try different stroke techniques.  If you are not satisfied with your result you can always undo and try again.  Experimentation is the key to success.

Step 5

Next, select Filter –> Distort –> Wave.  I set my Number of Generators to 5, a Wavelength Min of 10 and Max of 120, and an Amplitude Min of 5 and Max of 35.  Set the Scale to 100% on both the Vertical and Horizontal.  You will notice a preview pane on the right, click on Randomize as many times as necessary until you find a preferred shape, then click OK.

Step 6

Go to Edit –> Fade Wave and set the Opacity to 50%.

Optional Steps

Depending on the smoke effect you are trying to achieve, you may want to add another level of smoke by duplicating all of the steps in this Photoshop tutorial.  You may want to change the shape and colors used to create a more layered effect that will add realism to your smoke.  This is exactly what I did for the header that you see on this blog.

I think we are done here.

Congratulations, you’re finished!  As is always the case with Photoshop there are so many ways to reach your intended goal.  This is the way I go about creating a smoke effect with Photoshop, and I would love to hear some different techniques that you might be using.

Popularity: 11% [?]

It is time. Frankly it is long overdue. We are branching out and spreading like some kind of unwanted disease you might have acquired on a night you’d rather forget. Babeled now has a group on Facebook. Aptly named, Babelers, this group is open to anyone and we encourage anyway who suffers from the misfortune of coming to this blog to join.

Popularity: 5% [?]

It might seem counterintuitive. They do carry 15 flavors of sugary syrups and a variety of powdered sugars and fats ready to be liquified and sucked down. But they have another weapon up their little corporate sleeves: Starbucks After Coffee Chewing Gum. Available in four flavors, the gum is sugarless, and sweetened with xylitol. Xylitol is a sugar substitute. It is found in nature and can be extracted from many fruits and vegetables. It is also ten times as expensive as other popular sugar substitutes, such as sorbitol.

Xylitol is also the only sugar substitute currently available that actually fights cavities, which are also called dental caries. Xylitol has magical properties that fight the bacteria that cause dental caries. Used as an ingredient in chewing gum, xylitol can take an active part in preventing the demineralization of tooth enamel. In fact, since xylitol is found naturally in birch bark, humans have been using it to aid in dental care since the Stone Age.

I have been checking around, and only a couple different brands of gum containing xylitol are readily available. They can be found easily on the Internet, but so far the Starbucks gum is the only gum I have come across right on the shelf that contains xylitol. So pick up a vanilla latte with sugar on top, and a tiny can of overpriced gum. Your teeth are worth it.

Image courtesy of 3Dchem.com

Popularity: 8% [?]

Take it from a man who literally just had to have the dealership come and pick his motorcycle up so that they could work on it to get the thing started: properly storing your motorcycle for the winter is of utmost importance.

Last Fall I took my Honda 919 to my parents’ house and left it in their garage for the winter.  The ordeal of transporting the thing (without riding it, which is a dangerous proposition if you are familiar with I-95 in Philadelphia) was so trying that by the time we got to the house all my dad and I wanted to do was walk it into the garage and have a beer.  Bad idea.  Now, I am paying over $250 just to get the motorcycle started for the first time this spring.

So what should someone do if they want their bike to start right up in the spring and go for that first chilly ride?  There are a few basic things that one can do to ensure the motorcycle will make it through a winter of storage in pristine condition.

1. Remove the battery and place it on a slow-charger.  The Battery Tender is the brand I purchased because once the battery is fully charged, you can leave it on the charger because it goes into “maintenance mode” which means that a small voltage current is run through the battery to keep the innards active, and thus, functional.
2. Do not siphon the fuel!!!  I cannot stress this enough.  It used to be that siphoning the gas out of the tank was motorcycle-storage 101.  Not anymore.  Now, there are products that you can add to your fuel that keep it from separating from inactivity and temperature changes.  See your local dealer to pick up a bottle, there are several brands but the one I hear used most is STAB-BIL.
3. The storage area should be a fairly stable temperature (not too hot, not too cold - maybe like luke-warm water…) and dry.  Do not cover the motorcycle with a water-resistant or non-porous cover.  This will tend to keep moisture in and that is something you do not want.  Use a cotton sheet or something similar to allow the motorcycle to breathe.
4. Underneath where you want to park the motorcycle, place a sheet of plastic down with a towel over top of the plastic.  This will ensure moisture from the ground is blocked and the towel will help catch airborn moisture and any that may come from the bike itself.
5. If you haven’t had the bike serviced in awhile, take it to the dealer to get an oil change.  If your service is in pretty good shape, then you can wait until you de-winterize the bike for the oil change.  This is because regardless of whether you had the oil changed immediately before storage or 3,000 miles before storage, you will need to get the oil changed upon de-winterizing anyway.
6. Check your owner’s manual for any specifics pertaining to your motorcycle.  I found that mine instructed you to drain all of the fuel (which is what I did, and which is exactly what caused the problem I am having), but this is not a good idea.  The reason it is a bad idea is that you must be able to get ALL of the fuel out of ALL of the hoses, tanks and systems.  Not happening, trust me.  So, if only for this one item, disregard what the owner’s manual tells you.
7. Spark plugs - some say take the caps out and replace the plug; some say do nothing at all.  It’s your choice.  Beware that if they get gummed up and aren’t producing a spark that you will need to clean the caps or replace the plugs.

These simple little tips could have saved me some money, and more so, saved me from aggravation.  It’s no fun to look at a motorcycle that won’t start and can’t be ridden.  Take the time and store that bad boy properly and you will not regret it.

Popularity: 9% [?]

Singularly hurtling toward the red orb hanging in the distance, the outline of the ship’s hull emits a small flash as it approaches. Soon, the ship will bring itself into orbit around the target planet, not our closest interplanetary neighbor, but the most suitable for the task at hand. Mars has long captivated those who gazed at the heavens from our small blue sanctuary home planet. It is now that the long-held dream of colonizing another world is about to be brought to fruition through the labors of men and women who will be long remembered, regardless of their actual success at this mission.

The early part of the twenty-first century gave rise to a revitalization in interest and intrigue for space exploration. From this renaissance, an international port and scientific research center was constructed on the surface of the Moon. This port was to be the development and launching site for what was perceived to be the next great frontier to be explored by mankind. Several manned scouting missions were launched to Mars from the Moon, only one was successful. The others all failed from technical or psychological malfunctions prior to entering orbit around Mars.

One successful journey was enough to convince the collective conscience that a colony could be achieved, and the controversial, yet coveted, technology to terraform Mars was feasible. Mankind would soon colonize another world. The tenacity of the human mind and spirit was broken by one, simple realization brought about by the successful landing of this vessel with such auspicious goals as producing a breathable atmosphere for future generations of humans to walk freely on the surface of Mars.

The main difference between the colonizing ship and the scouting mission was scope of work. The colonizing crew was far more numerous with many more scientific and technological specialties. There was far more equipment with the colonizing mission. Then, there was the matter of the landing site. The one successful scouting mission landed in Utopia Planitia, a place that is in the northern hemisphere of the Mars, which happens to be mostly flat plains. When the colonizing ship landed, the coincidence that it should happen to be on the exact opposite side of the planet in the Argyre Planitia was not noticed at the time.

The theory was that the colonizing ship should land in the northern hemisphere where the atmospheric pressure that is being generated by the terraforming will occur the earliest. If the ship was to land in the southern hemisphere, the highlands of Mars, then the effects of the terraforming would be less measurable than at the lower altitudes, the principle being the same as on Earth that the higher the altitude the lower the atmospheric pressure. Once the colonizing crew realized that their landing site was far from where they had anticipated, the mission was now to scout the area and attempt the colonization process, if conditions seemed reasonable.

As it were, the Argyre Planitia is a far more interesting place to land than Utopia Planitia. The incomprehensibly enormous impact craters, delving several miles deep into the surrounding mountains and plains, resemble lake beds with flowing rivers spiraling outward from it’s rocky shores. They explored the region until a curious object was discovered: a human tooth. As there were supposed to have never been any humans located in this region of the planet, all were baffled by the discovery until the great leap was made. Mars is the desert we already left behind, and Earth was the colony of those who lived on Mars. It took this epiphany for human culture to understand that the expand and conquer technique is nothing new, and we’ve done it before only to forget our past indiscretions and make the same mistakes again.

Maunder crater Image used in this post courtesy of Flickr user regulus2007.

Popularity: 19% [?]

Yesterday I came across an intriguing website that may be of great interest to talented graphic designers out there - especially those who would like to earn some serious money for their competitive freelance work.  99 Designs, is a virtual sandbox where graphic designers can submit entries based upon the set requirements of various companies and websites who have opened up contests focused on their specific design needs.

Currently, there is a telco start-up named Destiny that is holding a contest for a logo design that will be used for branding, letter heads, business cards and stationary.  The cash reward for the chosen design is $5,000!

The 99 Designs concept is simple, it affords businesses the luxury of crowdsourcing their design needs to eager and talented graphic artists.  I spent a good hour browsing hundreds of individual submissions and I am very impressed by the talent.  For me, a hack graphic designer at best, it was a humbling experience, but if you think you have the chops, 99 designs could turn into your personal cash cow.

Popularity: 11% [?]

So, my buddy told me to go to the website StealthDesk so I could see a desk made into a computer, or vice versa. Basically, this kid decided to build a computer desk for his class project. There is this 135 picture slide show of how he made this computer from scratch, how he built the actuator for his 22″ LCD monitor, and integrated a computer throughout the desk.

You should all check out the slide show of this kid building this awesome desk that has been transformed into a computer.

Popularity: 6% [?]

This was the year that I got slapped in the face by my ignorance of recording music.

Well, that may be a bit dramatic. But honestly, I’ve been trying to record my first album since September ‘07. I went into the process clueless and I’m coming out of it much wiser and with a much deeper respect and understanding of how difficult it can be to get that “perfect” sound.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that with today’s technology there are many cheap ways to get around the $30-50/hr fees you’ll have to spend at a professional recording studio. For anyone trying to save a buck the best invention of the 21st Century is by far the sound-editing software Audacity. This thing is the equivalent of mana from heaven. And this time I am not being dramatic.

Why am I raving about this software? Well, mostly because it’s free, and for the average Joe with not a lot of cash this program provides more than enough extra features to alter, manipulate, and perfect your original music. As with any editing software, the only catch is that the material you produce will always depend on the quality of your recording.

In order to get quality sound you’re faced with pretty much two options: 1) Pay for your own mics, mixers, etc. and set up shop in your house, or 2) Just suck it up and go into a professional recording studio.

Although I am currently recording at a studio, I have found a way to somewhat avoid the above options but still create some tracks at home in my pajamas. The loophole I discovered is a little pedal known as the DigiTech JamMan. This baby lets you plug right in for picture perfect sound quality, it has a big hard drive that allows for multiple layering, and it’s biggest plus is that it allows you to export any recorded tracks onto your computer. Once the tracks are on your computer, Audacity becomes your best friend, allowing you to alter the tracks in whatever way you fancy.

For your listening pleasure I’ve included an instrumental track I recording at home using the above methods. Enjoy.

Chaos (featured on “Into Tomorrow”, the debut album by Aomi)

Popularity: 12% [?]

In a Capitalist society such as the one Americans live in, the basic law of economics is paramount: Supply and Demand. I will use this as an analogy to dissect America’s energy crisis. This segment will focus on the current state of supply, more specifically the generation of electricity. Do any of you ever read those little throw-away leaflets the electric company places in your monthly bill? My guess is most of you don’t, which is perfectly understandable. These pamphlets contain information that might be surprising to those who claim to have the solution to the energy crisis. Below is an excerpt that shows a breakdown of where MY electricity comes from via Atlantic City Electric Co.

• Coal 41.9%
• Gas 8.4%
• Hydroelectric (large) 0.3%
• Nuclear 43.9%
• Oil 0.3%
• Total so far 94.8%

Now for the renewable resources:

• Captured Methane (from landfills) 1.6%
• Fuel Cells 0.0%
• Geothermal 0.0%
• Hydroelectric (small) 0.3%
• Solar 0.0%
• Solid Waste (burning garbage) 3.1%
• Wind 0.1%
• Wood or other biomass 0.1%
• Total renewable: 5.2%

The one truly laughable aspect of this breakdown is that wind and solar combined constitute only 0.1% of my electricity. So the next time you hear some politician or lunar environmentalist bark up that old tree of wind and solar this or that - ask them where they got the magic wand they plan to wave and increase 0.1% of my electricity 1000-fold in order to meet energy demands.

The only encouraging number in that disgraceful lineup is the 43.9% supplied by nuclear. But alas, New Jersey’s Democrats have chased away the nuclear industry so this number will only decrease as time goes on and demand rises. It seems that my elected officials have turned their backs on the one technology that stands to make a dent in reducing our dependence on fossil fuels and cutting greenhouse emissions. So again, ask them how they plan to take a science that currently supplies only one tenth of one percent and make it into a source as viable as nuclear which already supplies nearly half and could easily meet 100% of the demand.

To all those who sing the wind and solar song with blatant disregard for little things like math and science - I say this: Go study electrical and mechanical engineering. Pool your collective resources and intellect. Then somehow invent the photovoltaic cells and wind turbines that are 1,000% more efficient than those currently in service. If by some chance you manage to accomplish this, you will no doubt revolutionize the wind and solar generating industries. But you will still only generate 1% of my electric.

This is just a scratch on the surface. In later chapters I plan to discuss conservation, current and future demand, future generation, oil, and environmental impact.

~Man Overboard

Popularity: 24% [?]