Babeled

July 1, 1776 - the inevitable birth of nation draws near.  Hours of debate ensued on what was a balmy Monday in Philadelphia.  The feverish mood set upon Congress was somber yet the issue was clear; the potential ratification of Richard Henry Lee’s motion to dissolve all allegiance with Great Britain and declare absolute independence from the Crown.  The motion, originally raised a month prior, and seconded by the colossus John Adams had finally run its course.  As a matter of historical fact, on this day the decision was already in effect made.  Nine states were in favor, versus two against (Delaware and South Carolina), with two other colonies abstaining (Pennsylvania and New York).

As it stood there was enough support to carry the vote and initiate the break, however with the wisdom and leadership of John Adams, Congress agreed that a unanimous decision was needed in order to show necessary strength and unity amongst the precocious colonies.  It was certain on this night, that more debate and backroom dealings were needed.

And so it began, the delegates met throughout the night, outside the walls of Congress to reach a working agreement for the final vote that would take place on July 2, 1776.  South Carolina agreed to switch their vote to the positive if Delaware would do the same - the problem here was that two of the three Delaware delegates were at an impasse.  John Dickenson of Pennsylvania (a devout Quaker), who was the most ardent opponent of independence maintained his penchant for peace with England.  Instead of allowing his ideals to be compromised with a public switch before the record, he agreed to not attended the vote thus allowing Pennsylvania to vote in favor of Lee’s motion.  Finally the New York delegation, who had yet to receive orders for separation from their constituents, pledged to be the one abstaining vote.

So, on July 2, 1776 it officially came to pass when in heroic fashion the ailing Caesar Rodney, afflicted with facial cancer rode tirelessly 80 miles throughout violent thunderstorms to break the Delaware deadlock and seal the fate of America.  In a recorded vote of 12-0-1, a snapshot of monumental import took place.  Thirteen fledgling colonies, of various backgrounds and beliefs, asserted themselves as the new era in the new world.  A place were a representative government by the people, for the people would rule the day; honoring the republican values sent down through the annals of history.

As we make our Independence Day preparations, take a simple moment to reflect and honor a seminal moment in the history of western civilization.  A moment in time where the perfect storm of circumstance coalesced in the great crucible of nation building.  I leave you with a excerpt from a letter that John Adams had written to his wife Abigail at the close of July the Second.

The second day of July 1776 will be the most memorable epocha in the history of America.  I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival.  It ought to be commemorated as the Day of Deliverance by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty.  It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, with games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other from this time forward forever more.

It is truly remarkable to hear a principle architect of this nation speak to us now in such a way.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Over the past week or so, I recently learned that there are plans in place to build an architectural masterpiece in Dubai. Apparently there has been talk surrounding this building for over a year and now after recently presenting the estimated construction cost to the United Arab Emirates. It is looking more and more like these wind powered rotating apartment skyscrapers will be built in Dubai and Moscow. David Fisher, Architect of Dynamic Architecture, estimates that construction of the Dynamic Tower in Dubai will be completed by 2010. There are also talks to eventually construct these buildings in New York and London. Nevertheless, the Dubai project is slated to be the first one of its kind. Already they are advertising that you can reserve an apartment in this rotating tower.

It will also be a stunning landmark for the city, catching the sun as it quietly twists like a monolithic Rubik’s cube.

How It Works?

Construction begins with a concrete central core, containing the plumbing, the elevators, and other utilities. Then each apartment unit, which was pre-fabricated in various locations around the world, is shipped to Dubai and added to the concrete tower. Architect Fisher does this to cut down on construction costs and to make the actual construction more efficient. The Dubai Tower is planned to be 80-stories tall (1,380 feet) and house 200 apartments that are in a constant rotating motion around the central core. In between each floor unit there will be a horizontal wind turbine. There are slated to be at least 79 wind turbines in between the units, each producing an abundance of energy; enough to supply the entire tower and help out the surrounding neighborhood. Also, Dynamic Architecture has plans to place photovoltaic cells on each apartments roof, which will assist in powering the building through solar power. Due to the dynamic motion of each unit, every roof will ultimately see sunlight and this will only add to the self-sufficiency of the skyscraper. You might ask yourself, “Self, is this innovative building safe from natural disasters, like earthquakes?” Well, apparently it is.

Dynamic Architecture, the company building these structures, says that they’re actually safer from earthquakes than normal skyscrapers because each unit is independent and flexibly moves with the wind.

There is one downside though. While the few owners of an entire floor will be able to control the floors movement and pick their view, those that own individual units will be moved through the architects laptop. Thus most of the rotating floors will be controlled by the architect. Somehow this makes me uncomfortable.

What Are the Apartments Like?

As I said before there will be 200 total units attached to the Dynamic Tower. According to Dynamic Architecture, the first 20 floors will be offices, floors 21-35 will be a luxury hotel, and floors 36-70 will be residential villas. The last 10 floors will be luxury villas, which will no doubt host the wealthiest kings and lords.

Apartments will range in size from 124 square meters (1,330 square feet), to Villas of 1,200 square meters (12,900 square feet) complete with a parking space inside the apartment.

You read right, apartments will also be able to house a parking spot. This means that residents will be able to drive their vehicles into the elevator running up and down the central core.

Cost, Finance, & Science

While I am by no means a financial analyst nor an engineer, I thought it would only be proper for me to at least introduce the figures that have been thrown around in regards to the construction and the energy production of the Dynamic Tower. The initial cost is estimated at $700 million. Fisher’s plan to have the apartments pre-fabricated off-site and then shipped to Dubai to be added to the tower is estimated to save at least 10% of normal construction costs. Additionally, each apartment’s cost will range from about $3.7 million to $36 million (about $3000 per square foot).

On the other side of the coin, the tower is expected to produce $7 million of surplus energy per year marking its long-term profitability. According to inventorspot.com and gizmag.com, the wind turbines in between each floor are expected to collectively produce 1,200,000 kilowatts per year. With each turbine producing 300 kWh over the year and with the average family consuming 24,000 kWh annually, there should be a giant amount of surplus energy that can be pumped back into the city’s grid.

My Thoughts

Without a doubt, the undertaking to construct this rotating tower is an architectural marvel. Upon its completion it will most likely become the 10th Wonder of the World. It will definitely be an architectural feat that rivals the building of the Great Pyramids, relatively speaking of course. The future is here and it seems as though Dubai is playing host to all creative innovation and technology.

. . . each floor rotates independently at different speeds, resulting in a unique and ever evolving structure that introduces a fourth dimension to architecture, Time.

While I am by no means an avid supporter of wind power or solar power, as I think nuclear is the best way to produce energy, I can’t help but think that this tower is a really cool technological achievement. I mean this is the stuff that Sci-Fi books and movies is all about. Perhaps Dubai will be the first futuristic city in the world, kind of like machine city, Zero-One, from the Matrix. Maybe one day, Dubai will serve as the capital to the world. Maybe it will be the home of the future space federation. Regardless of political or financial motives, Dubai is quickly bringing the future to the present.

Popularity: 4% [?]

That’s right all you change mongers, unificators, and yes-we-canadians.  Barack Obama will divide our country even further.  He will do it right under your liberal noses.

How?

His campaign claims he will erase hatred and bigotry yet most of his supporters call John McCain “Politics as Usual” simply because he is a wealthy, elderly, white male.  Well to me that sounds like racism, ageism, sexism, and class warefare all bundled up in one convenient package with big ears and a slick tounge.

His biggest proponents claim he will unify the country.  I cannot imagine a more idiotic statement.  Obama is the most Liberal candidate to win the Democratic nomination in my lifetime.  How is a man who makes Hillary Clinton and Ted Kennedy look like conservatives supposed to unite the country?  In fact, if you look closely at his policy, he is even further to the left than everyone’s favorite villain, Bush, is to the right.  So how will this mend the tear between the parties?  It will serve just the opposite effect of increasing the divide between left and right.  If one candidate actually has a chance at unifying the country it is the extremely moderate McCain who is only a stone’s throw away from a Democrat in terms of policy and has been the single most outspoken critic of the Bush Administration on that side of the aisle since the 2000 primaries.

I’m sorry Obamacons, but your boy is only another Bush riding a Donkey instead of an Elephant and you can’t even see it coming - No you can’t.

~Man Overboard

Popularity: 7% [?]

Popular opinion would say that the start of reality television began with MTV’s The Real World. This is not true. Reality television, a malignant tumor upon our airwaves, boasts roots that grow far deeper than MTV. Reality television is about giving an average person the ability to have fifteen minutes of fame on the old tube. Ever hear of game shows? While this brand of reality television is crude, the networks had to start somewhere. Game shows are to American Idol like the WW I propeller planes are to today’s F-22 fighter jet. Reality television continues to grow in leaps and bounds, giving rise to new programs taking advantage of the unsuspecting viewing audience in ever greater numbers. Like game shows, reality TV is cheap programming for TV networks. No actor salaries, minimal set and production costs, and better yet, you get to put poor fools in deplorably degrading situations for the entertainment of others. What’s the downside? For the networks: none. For everyone else: the continuous demise of intelligent AND entertaining programming. Every time a reality show graces my television for longer than five minutes I immediately lose 10 points from my IQ.

Popularity: 3% [?]

There are a lot of easy ways to make vlookup functions in Excel more functional.  I find that a fair amount of people have difficulty getting a vlookup function to work in the manner they wanted it to, so I was thinking that first it might help to really understand the purpose and the four basic parts to the function.  The purpose of a vlookup function (vlookup means “vertical lookup”) is to retrieve a piece of data in a table by using a unique identifier as a reference.  The fact that it is vertical means that the unique identifier must be arranged in a column of the data table you are referencing.

The Four Parts of a vlookup function

1. lookup_value: this is the unique identifier.  It must be a piece of data in the reference data table.
2. table_array: this is the reference data table.  Do not include row or column headers, only include the data itself.  The first column of the table_array must always contain the lookup_value and be sorted in ascending order based on the first column.  This will prevent a large number of lookup failures.
3. col_index_num: assign a number (1,2,3,…) to the columns in the table_ array from left to right, and indicate the number of the column that contains the piece of data you are trying to retrieve.
4. [Range_lookup]:  you must indicate either “true” or “false”.  “True” means that the lookup_value does not have to exactly match the data in the first column of the table_array in order to produce a result.  “False” means that the lookup_value must exactly match the data in the first column in the table_array in order to produce a result.

Tip:  Many times failures in the lookup occur because the formatting of the lookup_value is not the same as the formatting in the first column of the table_array.  Ensure that the formatting of these two columns are identical.

How do I get rid of the annoying #N/A results when the lookup doesn’t find the lookup_value in the table_array?

Good question.  I find that there are usually many different ways of achieving the same goal when using Excel, but here is my solution.  Embed the vlookup function in both an IF and an ISERROR function and you have the ability to determine what results display when both the vlookup function does and does not have a result.  In this way, if you are trying to lookup numerical data such as dollars, you have the ability to make the formula result in a 0 instead of the dreaded #N/A (that which always ruins your sum formulas!!!)

Example: This is the formula result when using the parameters of a standard vlookup as shown above.

The #N/A indicates that the invoice number being looked up was not found in the reference data table, or table_array.  These error results will prevent you from being able to perform numerical calculations.  Instead, embed the vlookup function inside an ISERROR function, and use that as the first argument in an IF function.  Sounds confusing?  Let’s break it down.  (The syntax for this compound function is at the top of the image below)

Basically, what you are saying with this formula is, “If this vlookup function doesn’t work, return zero as the value; if the vlookup function does work, then return the vlookup function’s result.”  Below is an image of what this formula’s result is using the same information as the image above.  Notice the #N/A results are now zeroes.  This will enable the user to add numerical calculations without getting errors.

Get creative with this one particular compound function.  You have the ability to tell the spreadsheet what to do if the vlookup works and if it doesn’t work, so imagine the possibilities.  If you were looking up text strings, for example, you can have this function return “Record Not Found” instead of zero as in the example.  This type of function returns better visual quality results and allows for minimization of extraneous data manipulation such as finding and replacing, additional sorting, etc. required to produce numerically calculable results.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Yes thats right folks! After months of reading the blog site by The Movie Whore and learning much about the legendary Bruce Campbell, I finally sat my arse down and watched “Army of Darkness”. Actually I lucked out, upon sitting down on my couch after a hard days work and flipping through the channels, I stumbled across the movie. What are the chances? Anyway I must say that the movie was far better than I could have expected.

I like bad movies! You can pretty much throw anything at me and I’ll watch it. I am also a sucker for action packed movies, such as “The Rock” and “Independence Day”. Regardless, as a kid, I always stayed away from scary movies or movies that sounded scary. I attribute this fear to my ignorance of movies with scary titles, such as “The Evil Dead” or “Army of Darkness”.

As far as Bruce Campbell goes, I really had never known who this guy was until The Dudes Dad referenced him in his earlier blogs. As for the movie, “Army of Darkness”, I thoroughly enjoyed this film. The movie had a good enough story with the main character, Ash, defying all odds to find a way back to his own world. Armed with a shotgun and a chainsaw in place of his right hand, Ash kicks demon butt and recovers the Book of the Dead. He then leads the humans from a medieval time against an army of skeleton warriors equipped with magic. Don’t get me wrong, the special effects weren’t the greatest nor was the acting overall, but the thing that made me a fan was hands down the one-liners and zingers Campbell said. I found out afterwards that “Army of Darkness” is considered the 3rd installment of the “The Evil Dead” series. The “Evil Dead” movies are without a doubt next on my list to watch.

Most people probably have seen this movie, but if you are as lame as me and have not seen it yet. Watch it! If you have a sense of humor and enjoy action movies then I highly suggest you see this movie.

Image Used In This Post

Army of Darkness image courtesy of Flickr user Simon Zirkunow published under the CC license.

Popularity: 4% [?]

• Pay my medical bills in full every time (that which is not covered by my insurance which I pay extra for)
• Generate clean, safe, reliable, CARBON FREE, energy for a living
• Vote
• Recycle paper, plastic bottles, tin cans, plastic bags, organic waste (in my dare I say wicked tomato garden), glass bottles, and lousy jokes.
• Donated more than 2% of my income to recognized charities last year and am on pace to pass that this year.
• Donated even more to unrecognized charities and that’s about all I’m going to say about that.
• Pay my taxes
• Only heat my house to 60 degrees in the winter, do not turn on my AC until it hits 90 degrees in the summer, and made energy saving modifications to my house in order to reduce my energy foot print (and save on my bills of course).
• Proudly display the American Flag
• Was named Clean Communities Person of the Year for the State of New Jersey at the age of 8.
• Worked 3 years in the deadliest, most physically exhausting profession on the planet to finance my education.
• Sacrifice my own standard of living which is by all accounts modest in order to ensure that upon retirement I will not be dependent on the generosity of others for survival.
• Was eligible to collect unemployment benefits at more than one point in my life but refused on principle despite the circumstances.

So if that makes me a Neocon - guilty.  The way I look at it, we Neocons, as liberals call us as if we might be insulted by such a label, are people of values, determination, and most of all we are people of action who do more than talk about how to make the world a better place - we get off our asses and do it.

~Man Overboard

Popularity: 9% [?]

Let me start by saying it is inevitable.  Look at any web based news site right this very moment and you will undoubtedly see 5 headlines featuring the name Obama and if you are lucky a single headline featuring John McCain.  With so much painfully biased media coverage and the average Americans propensity for stupidity and Sheep-like tendencies it is no surprise to me that the political equivalent of the Backstreet Boys is a lock to become Commander in Chief of their largest arsenal in the history of mankind and the leader of the free world.

What will be the result?

As spoken in context of the introduction to an episode of The Twilight Zone - Picture if you will….

A man elected President of the United States despite a political record that is completely unknown to the majority of those who cast their vote in his favor.

American troops are instantly withdrawn from Iraq.  American military morale reaches its lowest point since the fall of Saigon - at best.  Radical Islam rejoices.

Those Iraqi’s who stood by American troops are slaughtered by the radical Islamists who now control the country.  Radical Islam rejoices.

Iranian troops, undeterred by the American president who has already promised to not use his military might against them, pour across the border and immediately subjugate the Sunni minority and massacre the Kurds in the North of the country who are denied refuge in their only option for escape, Turkey.  Radical Islam rejoices.

Extremists in Saudi Arabia, emboldened by the Iranian action, riot and overthrow the Saudi monarchy and adopt a Theocratic Muslim government friendly to the newly revitalized Persian Muslim Empire.  Radical Islam rejoices.

What little progress made in Israel is now gone as the Iranian Iatolas now control over 50% of the world’s oil and thus increase funding to Hezbollah and Hamas by orders of magnitude thus increasing their ability to wage war against Israel.  Radical Islam rejoices.

Moderate Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas is assassinated and his Fatah government is overthrown by Hammas militants who are hell bent on Israel’s destruction and not at all interested in peace with the Jewish nation.  Radical Islam rejoices.

Now for the Economy

National, government run healthcare is enacted. Taxes are raised.

If you borrowed more money than you could pay in a mortgage payment the government hands you a check and rewards you for your idiotic investment.  Taxes are raised.

The flow of illegal immigrants across the US border swells as Obama immediately halts construction of the border wall and refuses to take any action against illegal immigrants.  This new influx is also given access to free healthcare and continues to pay no taxes in America.  Taxes are raised.

Oil Companies are penalized for making profits.  This cost is not placed on the shoulders of the corporations but instead is passed on to the consumers in the form of price increases to a gallon of gas that now costs well over $10.00 per gallon thanks to the conditions in the Middle East.

Obama refuses to drill in ANWAR, and refuse to drill off the coast of Florida even though China and even Vietnam now do.  Gasoline now costs $12.00 per gallon.

Obama grants his campaign promise of making a college education every American’s “birth right.”  Taxes are raised.

If you make over $250,000 you are penalized for your success.  Taxes are raised.

Nothing what so ever is done about Social Security for another four years.  Taxes are raised.

Companies begin layoffs as they are unable to meet the out of control payroll taxes and maintain a successful business in light of price increases.  Unemployment reaches its highest level since the great depression. These unemployed people are now a burden on the welfare system.  Taxes are raised.

End result:

Radical Islam declares victory in the war against America.  AK-47s around the world are fired into the air.

Americans now pay $20.00 for a gallon of gas and 60% of their salaries to income taxes.

Bush is blamed.

And now I batten down the hatches and brace for the inevitable storm of comments brewing on the horizon at the hands of the Liberal Hoard that runs a racket on the internet in a manner reminiscent of La Cosa Nostra.  “Bring ‘em on” - George W. Bush

~Man Overboard

Popularity: 21% [?]

Scanning through Google Analytics is one of the highlights of my day.  Having said that, I should just check what ostensibly remained as a normal social life at the door and resign myself to a desk shackled existence of blogging and nonsense.

While I was looking over the organic search results queries yesterday there was one that really jumped out at me - MacGyver Hydroponics.  Clearly we have a rogue pot smoker in our midst looking for a half assed way to rig up a marijuana growing apparatus with merely a snorkel, bubble gum wrapper, paper clip, and a crowbar.

Normally I would have just laughed to myself and moved on, but Sy over at The Wheel is Turning but the Hampster is Dead, wrote up a post about interesting search results, and so here I am pilfering his idea.  If you have not checked out his blog yet I recommend doing so, very funny stuff that will have you assured he is certifiably insane.  Our brethren across the pond are crazy and not to be trusted.

Further investigation, which involved Googling MacGyver Hydroponics, showed that our industrious and frugal visitor was taken to Jack Gamble’s post about how to be best prepared when the zombies come.  Jack Gamble?  Who the hell is he anyway?  While Jack’s post undoubtedly provided no insight whatsoever into MacGyver Hydroponics, it is worth mentioning that Jack Gamble is a MacGyver of sorts in his own right.  The man who repeatedly throws himself overboard, can turn random household objects into the item of your every desire.  If only there were household objects that could get him to blog… You know objects like a computer, power supply, and a wireless modem - except that is not very MacGyver at all.  Perhaps I am onto something?

Today’s ultimately random search result - piss drinking mothers.

Popularity: 5% [?]

The Celtic’s won tonight in an outstanding game and an exclusive sport performance, here in the Garden Park, Boston. I don’t like to say it too often but I told you; It’s the Boston time!

Great game, great being in Boston and great job holding the lead all during the game. With 131 points for the Celtics vs. the 93 scored by the Lakers, I thought its couldn’t get better. The T-Shirt booth in Coply Mall was sold out earlier tonight of the Beat LA T-shirts, and conference attendees in the Hynes Convention Center couldn’t get enough of them. People wore a green tie, regardless of their entire appearance.

Go Green, I am heading to the bar…

Popularity: 4% [?]