Digital Pimp (Night Before Christmas)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the hood

Not a ho was stirring, and me in the mood;

I cruised on home to sit by the fire,

What’s a man to do to quiet this desire?

Slowly I looked down at my hand

To avoid that fate I’d gladly spend a grand.

From my cigarette I took a drag

And pondered breaking out my favorite mag.

When all of a sudden lightning struck,

Perhaps I was not so down on my luck.

To the laptop I flew like a flash,

Turned it on and hoped it wouldn’t crash.

Typed into Google, “I need action,”

So many hits I couldn’t search a fraction.

When there it was like a little holiday imp,

“Hot singles in your area,” signed the Digital Pimp.

With much haste I clicked on the link,

And in less time than it takes to blink,

She was on her way

Like Santa in his sleigh.

The bell at the door gave such a ring,

Signaling tonight’s anticipated fling.

Later in the night I lie awake,

Hoping to dream of a bosom that’s fake.

I take a moment to thank the jolly old elf,

For the magazine had remained on its shelf.

I also praise the world wide web,

For yielding that wonderful flow and ebb.

“What a world we live in,” I say,

Hot singles in your area – anytime, any day.

For all of you lonely souls who don’t want to remain limp,

Don’t forget there is always the internet, and the Digital Pimp.

Image used in this post

Picture 588 courtesy of Flickr user I.zinnia under the CC license