The Mayans predicted it. Hollywood glamorized it. John Cusack survived it.
But what was it that the Mayans saw that made them think the world would end on December 21, 2012? Here is a list of nine possible ways that the Earth might meet its pre-determined demise:
1. Chris Brogan’s Overnight Success series becomes so successful overnight that his server gets bombarded with visitors. The motherboard is so overheated that it sets off a chain reaction that quickly scorches the atmosphere.
2. The comments on Reddit become so negative that they accidentally open a gateway to a dimension of pure evil that quickly envelopes the entire universe.
3. Barack Obama bows to some far east monarch and accidentally throws out his back. The entire planet is so overcome with grief that everyone just kinda lays down and dies.
4. The large Hadron Collider causes a gravitational anomaly resulting in a glitch on Twitter. This allows @aplusk to enter a 141 character Tweet that violates the laws of physics and shreds the very fabric of space and time.
5. The zombies come and nobody was paying attention to me!
6. The homepage for the supercomputer that controls our nation’s stockpile of nuclear weapons makes it to the front page of Digg. The traffic spike brings down the whole network. Mistaking this for a Russian attack, the missiles launch.
7. Jean-Claude Van Damme, mad with jealousy at all the attention that Chuck Norris gets on the internets, round house kicks the Earth. Nothing happens because he’s really just a ballet dancer. However, this causes Chuck Norris to giggle and the gale force wind created by his laughter alters the Earth’s orbit sending us careening into space.
8. George Lucas finally does something so lame that the nerds of the world go on strike. Without the brains holding society together, humanity collapses under its own weight and dies like a beached whale.
9. The Dramatic Prairie Dog burrows all the way to the Earth’s core where his polarizing gaze causes the the iron in the core to shift, collapsing the planets magnetic field. Without the protection of the ionosphere, three Kryptonians trapped in a big piece of glass(?) come crashing to Earth and a general malaise ensues.
~Man Overboard
Images used in this Post
Doomsday 2012 image courtesy of Flickr user one_dead_president published under the CC license.
Dramatic Prairie Dog image courtesy of GifBin.com
8 Comments
1. The over acting prairie dog is ridiculous – I think I may have a seizure and punt this post back to draft status.
2. In my quest to always get caught up in minutiae, do supercomputers really have homepages? I know I should be going with the author’s creative license here, but since Redditors were referenced en masse I thought I’d play the part and Downmod to Oblivion!
Remeber that scene in Austin Powers 3 when they start talking about time travel paradoxes and then just kinda say don’t worry about it and watch the movie…yea…
You made my day with that prairie dog Jack. Thank you.
Have you seen the South Park episode where Canada goes on strike? They incorporate this ridiculous animal, known as Dramatic Look Gopher in their animated world. His look really can kill.
“I’m not your buddy, guy!!”
I’m rooting for the Zombie Apocalypse, just so I can say “I told you so.”
Rule #1: Cardio
Still ‘Chuck’ling
Saw a cartoon with the Mayan stone carver (chisel and hammer in hand) quoted “Well, I just ran out of room!”
Nostradamus, Hale Bop and Y2K have long passed, But this conflict between Jean Claude and Chucky just may have some merit?
Ok I thought I was going to read something Biblical here. Good Article.