A Letter (by proxy) from Jake Voytko to the Babelonians
Our next topic comes courtesy of reader, contributor, and computer scientist extraordinaire, Jake Voytko. We were discussing the ill-fated Babeled On Series over Google Chat, and as it turns out he’s a big fan (or so he says). Never one to shy away from offering his unsolicited advice Jake wrote the following:
Jake writes, “you’re also missing out on the T and A topics… Hot first ladies and stuff like that. I’m sure James Garfield’s wife’s milkshake could bring all the boys to the yard…”
Disclaimer: Never, under any circumstance, make mention of a milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard.
Who were the most attractive First Ladies?
Andrew Blanco
Michelle Obama is one hot mama. Although our skin color is opposite on the color spectrum, I’d be more than down for showing her around my town. Sexy transcends race, culture, and all boundaries.
This first lady is “mmm, mmm, good” and carries herself like she knows it. She’s also Harvard educated, so I know that I’m getting brains as well as body. That’s right, I’m getting brain.
Oh, and best part of all… she’s not Hillary Clinton!!!
“Come on Michelle, my wife will be cool with this if you let Barack come along. Who knows, double date, a few bottles of wine, and then maybe the four of us can… you know… you don’t know?… yeah… i know you know…
….boom shakalaka….
Gregory Rineberg
Well let’s see. The first First Lady that pops into my mind as the sexiest has to be Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. End of story.
- She was like the only First Lady that was under 50.
- She had a killer body.
- Plus, I have a thing for brunettes.
Following close behind is Michelle Obama and then Laura Bush (as a last resort).
Jason Morgan
This one is a no-brainer. Ida McKinley, wife of President William McKinley, is the unparalleled beauty of our First Ladies. It is a little known fact that Mount McKinley, also known as Denali, was actually named after Ida McKinley and not her husband. The enormously magnificent mountain reminded early pioneers of Ida’s majestic chin – similar in size, shape, and strength, only a real First Lady gets a mountain named after her physical features. Contributing to the honorary geological feature-namesake, her double-peaked hair represents the two peaks of the mountain, one slightly higher than the other, which fits nicely with Ida’s lopsided-do. And, her grandiose eyebrows are the perfect parallel to the coniferous forest that covers the low elevations of the Denali Range.
Until Next Time…
Rinestone goes to Hollywood.
Got a Topic?
If anyone has a topic suggestion (cornier than Jake’s) for an upcoming Babeled On feel free to lay it on us. Simply leave a comment or send an e-mail to pandemonium [dot] publications [at] gmail [dot] com and we’ll do our best to work it into the rotation.
Images Used in this Post
Michelle Obama courtesy of Wikimedia Commons published in the public domain.
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis courtesy of Wikimedia Commons published in the public domain.
Ida McKinley courtesy of Wikipedia published in the public domain.
5 Comments
@ Rineberg – good call on Jackie-O. Unlike Clinton, Kennedy had both a voracious sexual appetite and good taste. But, she is no Ida McKinley.
Ida Mckinley has huge tracks of
land… hair.It is clear that Ida McKinley had more taste and style than any other first lady. Her hair is almost motorboating worthy…haha
And her eyebrows are inhabited by small woodland creatures, providing an easy meal if you happen to be stuck in a survival situation with her.
One has to wonder what her eyebrows might have looked like had eyebrow pencils been around at the time?