“Fall back. Fall back now! I need covering fire on the south ridge.”
These were the screams heard from the Captain as artillery shells mercilessly bombarded the camp. What started out as a unsettling morning behind enemy lines turned into a nightmare of blogging proportions.
“Gamble, give me a status report now!”
“Blanco’s mind melding the enemy troops with some arcane hippie douche methods. Several shallow breaths later, “Morgan’s chain smoking on the South Ridge, and Rineberg’s Jew Eye created enough of a diversion to buy us some time,” labored Staff Sergeant Gamble.
“What about Ruemeli?”
“No one’s seen him sir.”
“I’m breaking up with you Sam,” was the emotionless phrase muttered by Corporal Fox whose inability to act was far outweighed by her unmatched midsection.
“Relax darling, come over here and let a real man shoot you in the face,” quipped Vice President Cheney.
“All right listen up. I just got word from the Colonel, our entire company has come under heavy suppression fire leaving us no choice but to dig in. Our orders are to hold the line until the third armored division rolls in to lay waste to these bastards; it’s time to chose your foxhole partner.”
“Mother of God,” noted an incredulous Ramathorn.
Andrew Blanco
I’d ask Jack Gamble to join me in the foxhole so he could retell stories from the Star Wars lexicon. I’m sure he knows a lot of them by heart, and I can’t think of a better way to dispel the fear of death then an escape into fanciful storytelling. Not only would a retelling of Jedi lore be entertaining, it would also keep us distracted from the horrors happening right outside our hole. Plus, there are so many different Star Wars stories that I doubt he’d get through them all before our time came to exit the foxhole.
When we finally returned home from war we could then both write a book titled: How Star Wars Helped Two Political Opposites Transcend Partisan Politics. George Lucas would obviously leap at the opportunity to turn our book into a Broadway show, and with the help of a savvy agent Jack and I could negotiate a nice percentage of the profits. Having earned millions from the absurd show we could retire young.
But that wouldn’t be the end of the story. Oh no. Having already transcended partisan politics via Star Wars, we would once again return to our partisan ways by running for president against each other. Since we’re veterans, we would naturally win the hearts of the majority of Americans: I as the Democratic candidate, he as the Republican candidate. Hard fought would be our road to the White House.
I’m not a prophet, so I can’t tell you who would win the presidency in the end, but I have a very strong feeling it would be me. 
Now, if I could choose my foxhole partner from all of humanity I’d choose my wife. But if she happened to be busy that day I’d choose Megan Fox. Nothing like holing up with a foxy Fox in a foxhole.
Jeff Ruemeli
Jason Morgan
Gregory Rineberg
Coming Up on Monday
El Blanco, Spanish for The Blanco, will amaze us yet again.
Images Used in this Post
Battle hardened courtesy of Flickr user kevindooley published under the CC license.
Toy Soldiers (silhouette) courtesy of Flickr user Kyle May published under the CC license.
4 Comments
Looks like Jack is the winner of Most Likely to be Selected as a Foxhole Partner in the Babeled yearbook.
I thought we had to pick a fellow Babeler. If I would have know we could pick anybody I would have picked Gary Busey. That dude is crazy and that’s what you want in a battel partner. But really, I would pick Miranda Kerr, cuz she is super duper hot… And I wouldn’t mind being stuck with her…
Seriously, guys? More than one of you separately responded Megan Fox? Sad, very sad…
Molyneux that was damn funny dude.