Where in Time are the Babelers?

The Babelers have experienced some serious historical moments since their birth in the 1980’s. We’ve been witness to the rise of the internet, the fall of communism in Russia, the turning of a new millenium, the melting of millenia old ice caps, the horrors of 9/11,  the election of America’s first black president, and the desecration of all that was holy in music at the hands of boy bands. By the way, did you hear that Michael Jackson died?

Anyhow, with all the history we’ve seen in the last three decades, it is still awe inspiring to consider all that has come before us and all that will come after us. Very brief is our experience of world history. If we’re lucky, we’ll get another four to six decades before we’re buried or cremated.

So then, I would like to present my fellow Babelers with an opportunity to ride on a genuine time machine. You get one free ride. After that I start charging $1,000 a ride.  OK boys, where in history past or future would you like to be dropped off?

Jack Gamble

I would travel ALL THE WAY back in time to the big bang. I would then slap a Jetty sticker on the time machine and start ‘paddling. Upon detonation and the birth of the universe, I would surf the 5 billion year storm on the edge of the expanding universe for an eternity until finally the collective force of gravitational pull overtook the momentum of expansion. At that point the universe begins to contract. As the universe contracts, matter and energy would again consolidate as galaxies collided and black holes consumed each other. Having been surfing on the very edge of existence, I would then become the very last object to ever be pulled in the ultimate super-massive black hole that was the sum of all matter and energy in the universe. Once the entire universe was compacted into a singularity once again, the second big bang would occur as the singularity reached critical mass and burst forth in another great explosion. Then perhaps another time traveling universe surfer would paddle out to meet the next great wave of expanding everything.

Jason Morgan

This one is tricky because of semantics. I would like to witness the moment of the birth of the universe, but I need to see it at like a speed one billionth slower than our current perception of time. I will also require a whole host of supernatural abilities to resist the heat, pressure, and lack of existence that will be required for the journey. The birth of this universe may not be the birth of the universe…umm…what I mean is that according to M Theory, the newest name for the theory commonly known as string theory, there is the potential that our universe is a membrane that goes through cycles of expansion and contraction, and potentially can collide with other membrane universes. So what I am trying to say is that there is the potential that the birth of our universe commonly accepted by physicists today as the big bang, may in fact not be the moment the time, space, forces and matter inside the universe were created. They could have been a part of an earlier membrane that collapsed in on itself and thus caused the big bang of our universe, or the big bang could have been the result of two membranes colliding. Either way, that’s what I want to see, mostly because I want the answers to those questions.

Greg Rineberg

There are simply way too many choices. I can’t really decide on one. Initially, I thought I would definitely want to go back to the American Revolution to witness firsthand how our forefathers and ragtag piece of crap army defeated the most powerful country in the ENTIRE world. But then it was clear that my options for my time traveling experience were limitless. My thought progression:  I would probably want to see the Roman Empire and all its majesty…maybe check out the construction of the pyramids in Egypt 5000 years ago…observe when modern man made the evolutionary leap…witness the formation of earth…no wait, the formation of the galaxy…well, I knew where this was leading. So since I can’t really decide on one, I would like to use your time machine to chronicle all these events into a historic movie. If you won’t let me do this, I think my only option is to take the time machine back to where you just finished building it, hit you over the head with a blunt object, and take your time machine to chronicle all of the events I want to see. As for an event that I want to see in the future, ask me tomorrow.

Gregory Molyneux

“The future ain’t what it used to be” ~ Lawrence Peter “Yogi” Berra

Andrew, you time travelin’ sonofabitch, I am unaware of future histories. For the edification of my cohorts and I could you please emancipate our ignorance and save us with your divine wisdom?

The future ‘history’ I’d like to see is the one where Andrew realized history happens in the past. You know the past, when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, cavemen didn’t shower and Cro-Magnon dreadlocks were an unfortunate byproduct of circumstance. The past where the men were men and the sheep were scared. The past where Egyptians were so bad ass they could build pyramids and not catch flack for wearing eyeliner. The past where prideful Greeks built up autonomous city-states that thrived on war and culture. The past where Romans crucified a peaceful man in flowing robes only to later convert to his faith and blame their folly on the Jews. The past where revisionist history reigns supreme and everything you learned in school was a farce.

I suppose hippie Andrew will tell us that future ‘history’ is the one that is not written. I suppose.

Jeff Ruemeli

I’m going going, back back, in t-hime t-Hime. But to when? Hmmm?

I do believe I’ll go back to the time of Jesus. I’ll have a little chat with the man. I’ll say…

Me: Hey Jesus! What’s real good dude?

Jesus: God is great, God is good.

Me: Awesome. Hey by the way, I’m from 2000 years in the future.

Jesus: You have traveled far, by the grace of God.

Jeff: Totally. I wanted to let you know what has happened with the words you have been preaching.

Jesus: Do go on.

Me: Well people followed your words for like 300 years, while hiding, after your death. That was until the Roman Empire wanted to use you for control. That’s when everything changed. You see they built churches to worship your father on his land. Then they waged war in your name. Then they suppressed knowledge in your name. Oh yeah, the church they built, well they didn’t use all you said. They only used the parts that suited their needs. You see your message was lost.

Jesus: That is quite unfortunate indeed my friend.

Me: Quite. Well I’m here to bring your true message “back to the future”. (Great Scott!)

Jesus: Tell them the only thing they need to remember is…

WHAT THE F! ANDREW! Why’d you bring me back early? Son of a…

Next Up…

Señor Gamble del Partido Republicano.

Images Used in this Post

[57/365] Time Travel (forwards at least) image courtesy of Flickr user Ben Dodson published under the CC license.