Transformers. I can’t say enough about those crazy Cybertronian shape-shifters. The story line has evolved from an 80′s cartoon with the single best line of toys since George Lucas was seduced by the dark side of merchandising into Beast Wars, Head Masters, Armada, and finally a series of live action movies.
With the forthcoming second installment of Michael Bay’s take on my favorite childhood cartoon, I find it suited to the moment to pose the topic of Transformers to my esteemed cohorts in our traditional virtual sit down format.
Babelers, roll out!
Greg Molyneux
Transformers: Love to See Those Thighs.
Oh wait, I guess Megan Fox ought to be left out of this… Or not… Composure regaining in 5, 4, 3, …,1.
Transformers: Stomach You Can’t Deny.
Blasted (Biggs?)! Where is my focus? Request for cessation of Google images search, Megan Fox: denied! Deep breath, I’m ready to get serious.
Transformers: Take Me For a Ride.
EFF!!!!! This is despicable. Do you remember when Transformers was more than just T&A? I don’t.
Transformers: Want to Get Inside.
Autobot Matrix… Energon cubes… Me Grimlock… Sloth love Chunk… You have failed me yet again Starscream… Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong…
Greg Rineberg
I liked the original Transformers cartoon. I owned a few toys here and there, since they were the coolest toys on the planet. The toys blew away G.I. Joe, well simply because it was like getting two toys for the price of one. Say what you will gentiles…haha. As for the entire Transformers storyline and cartoon, I don’t remember too much about it. I definitely liked the Transformers movie that came out two Summers ago and I anticipate the release of the new Transformers movie this Summer.
Jason Morgan
The deep, thunderous voice of Orson Welles echoes in my head as Unicron, the planet-sized robot villain in the Transformers animated movie from 1986. “That’s no moon!” er…planet…it’s a planet-eating robot!! The animated movie is a classic and must-see for any fan of the original TV cartoon series. I took away from these stories that Energon cubes and the universal greeting are must-haves for the interstellar robot adventure. I fondly reminisce about times when my parents would come home with a new Transformer toy, at which time I would immediately commence a full-fledged toy robot battle that cleverly incorporated the skills of my shiny new robot in disguise. Transformers have blessed my childhood with a wealth of great memories.
Therefore, it is with great regret that…
I find many of my peers are generally enamored with the new, live-action Transformers movie. I regard it aloofly with much contempt. I mean, the main character is Shia LaBeouf – are you people watching the same thing I am?!?! He is abysmal, maybe WORSE than Hayden Christensen. OK, fine, it had Megan Fox and she’s pretty smokin’…but that doesn’t make it a good movie. In fact, I would argue that all Michael Bay did was take the most obnoxious cliches from every blockbuster (emphasis on the bust part) summer movie in his arsenal, slapped on some of his trademark explosions, and added some CGI – presto! From Entourage: “That was the worst piece of shit I have ever seen.”
Sadly enough, I somehow am inexplicably drawn to the trailers for Transformers 2. I need my soul to be saved.
Jeff Ruemeli
The Transformers were my childhood crack. And the Dinobots, my God. I owned every last one of those toys. That was until one day I went out to play… My mother thought it best to alleviate me of my childhood joy and threw them away. I was crushed like the Autobots were when they met Devastator. So I spent the rest of my childhood riding my bike in a circle waiting… waiting… waiting… for the day when my fun would return. The day was much anticipated. When it finally arrived, courtesy of Michael Bay, I put the bike down, peed my pants and screamed like a little girl as I ran to the theater. (singing) Jeff Rum-lee almost gonna cry… Jeff Rum-lee wussy in disguise.
Andrew Blanco
Transformers are the worst wingmen possible when attempting to meet women.
First off, lets say you are trying to be a gentleman and open the car door for your new lady friend. Well everything is bound to go great until your car transforms into a 30 foot tall talking machine with a rocket launcher for an arm.
On top of this awkwardness, Transformers are way too big to come into any club, bar, or indoor area with you. Like a dog, you will always have to leave your Transformer outside, and probably have to check up on them every so often to make sure they haven’t destroyed any property by accident.
Clearly Transformers will place a huge burden on your game, and are not recommended wingmen for anyone.
Next Time
I hereby bestow the Autobot Matrix unto Ultra Spanish
Image Used in this Post
Transformers image courtesy of Wikipedia published under the GNU Free Documentation license.
7 Comments
@Jay: “In the beginning there was a cube!”
@Jeff, there is no disguise
@Andrew, I would debate the Transformers failure as wingmen; while awkward and unbelievably large and metallic, there is no question of their, dare I say, unrivaled UDD status. How else would Shia have landed Fox?
I agree. They are definitely UDD material.
It’s the Autobots!
I just watched the first episode, man that was a trip down memory lane.
As you wish, Gambletron.
So far Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is pulling in some horrific reviews. It looks like Jay’s tepid enthusiasm is well founded.
Excellent use of the word tepid. Is that the intellectually obnoxious word of the week? ‘Cause it should be.
That seems appropriate since this day is shaping up as Babeled’s highfalutin week in words.