Babeled On: The 1980s

A letter from Greg to the Babelonians

I’m talking cocaine, Mohawks, arcades, and Members Only Jackets. The unmatched and not-to-be-repeated era of New Wave, IROC Camaros, MTV and hair bands. I’m talking Big 80s folks, and it is high time the Babelers reflect on being raised during the most awkward of decades. This epoch of woe and misfortune has unknowningly served as the genesis for the post lol cat epic fail. Despite its short-comings, of which there are millions, the 1980s helped to forge a more perfect future of apathy, lethargy, and obesity.

Andrew Blanco

When I think of the 80s I can’t help but think of elementary school…

I think of my glazed and exhausted eyes, and my insatiable desire to beat my first video game, The Legend of Zelda for Nintendo. I think of Nintendo: oh how I think of Nintendo.

I think of Dino-Riders, Tinkertoys, and Ninja Turtles. I think of Saturday morning cartoons!

I think of Star Wars and how badly I wanted to have a light saber. I’m not gonna lie, I still would love to own a light saber. I think of E.T., Indiana Jones, and my worship of all things Spielberg. I think of the time my older cousins tied my to a chair when I was five and forced me to watch Child’s Play in its entirety. I also think of my decade long irrational fear that dolls could be possessed by evil spirits and murder me in my sleep.

I think of D.A.R.E. and the propaganda against drugs. I think of AIDS and the propaganda against sex. I think of Ronald Reagan, and how funny I thought it was that that he shared the same first name as Ronald McDonald. I think of McDonald’s, and how much I used to love their chicken nuggets: those were some damn good nuggets!

I think of my wish to live a 100 years. If I can pull that off I will bear witness to the 2080s roll around. And even if the 2080s don’t live up to the awesomeness of the 1980s, at least I can rest in peace knowing that I was one of the few from our generation to keep bearing the torch of 1980s nostalgia far into the future.

Most of all I think of how distant the year 2009 felt when I was living through the 80s: I think of how slow time passed while I was a boy, and how fast time seems to be going now that I am a man.

I love the 80s… or maybe I’m just nostalgic for childhood…

Gregory Rineberg

The 1980s is a very interesting time period. I am very happy and pleased to have spent the majority of my childhood growing up in such a decade. The movies that came out: Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Ghostbusters, etc, were simply awesome. The cartoons: Thundercats, G.I. Joe, Voltron, Scooby Doo, etc. are all waaaay better than any other children shows or cartoons that came out years later. Video games became mainstream with Nintendo and Sega hitting the main stage and changing children’s imaginations throughout the world. Computers also became more popular, as well as the video games that were associated with them.

I believe that the children who grew up in the 1980s have a distinct advantage over children who grew up in the 90s or even now. Nowadays, kids grow up sitting in front of their computers constantly hooked up to the Internet, playing some RPG or chatting away with some virtual friends. While in the 80s, if you wanted to have fun, you actually spent time outside with your friends playing cops & robbers or manhunt. Not to mention, the kids today are spoiled (or cursed – depends on how you look at it) with an onslaught of media that surrounds them. The 1980s truly served as a bridge between two entirely different time periods, the revolutionary hippie period and the 90s technological boom… leading us into the 21st century.

Jack Gamble

The 1980s: A Journey into Jack’s iPod.

Let’s start with the piano intro to “On the Dark Side” by Eddie and the Cruisers. This will be a none-too-clever metaphor for my birth and immediate immersion into the Star Wars storyline.

I weighed a whopping 10 lbs at birth and remained rather ‘pudgy’ for my first few years of life. It is therefore necessary to pay tribute to Weird Al with his “Fat” spoof of Michael Jackson’s ill-fated attempt at playing a tough guy.

From there we break into my carefree toddler years with a little pinch of “Relax” courtesy of Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

I hit my Transformers phase at about 5 years old so we’ll throw in some Styx and “Mr. Roboto”.

As I moved on to elementary school I became obsessed with collecting baseball cards so I have to include John Fogerty’s “Centerfield” as I watched Don Mattingly peak in 1986.

Any trip to my toy box would produce dozens of plastic Dinosaurs of which I would routinely ‘feed’ severed G.I. Joe Limbs. How about “Walk the Dinosaur” by Was (Not Was)?

In 1988 I moved from my first home into a much larger one only a few miles away. This phase is aptly set to “Our House in the Middle of the Street” by Talking Heads.

Last but not least we close out the decade with The Beastie Boys and “Fight for Your Right” we can party like it’s 1989. However, the 80′s was a terribly lame decade so this will be the worst party since the Tri-Lambs invited UN Jefferson to the mixer with the Omega Mu’s (Thriller anyone?).

Jeff Ruemeli

The 1980′s huh?…. wow where to start. I mean like, that’s ten years worth of stuff to talk about. And I don’t want to start a five page paper here. I guess we can try to break this down to points.

• Hair – way too big and lame. Hairspray sucks.
• Pants – way too tight. Although we’re back to that now. Retro!
• Businessmen – way too coked out.
• Colors – way too fluorescent. Colors should not be Hyper.
• Politics – way too much Reagan…
• Music – way too much synth. Although who doesn’t love a key-tar?
• Hammer – way too much Hammer.
• Me – way too much me. I’m the only Babeler who was alive for ALL of the 80s.
• The Crüe - way too much drugs.
• Hogan – way too much Ultimate Warrior.
• Baseball Card Gum – way too stale.
• Cougar – way too low on gas man.
• My pants – way too much Hammer.
• Dances – way too much safety.
• T.V. – way too much a modern movie. And I’m still “not the baby”…
• Phones – way too wired to the wall and not mobile.
• Computers – way too big and slow with no Internet.
• My life – way too much being outside and enjoying a life without technology…

Jason Morgan

That 1980s was an era of great cartoons, excellent (but cheesy) movies, big hair, bad and flamboyant fashion, and the last magical era in which being a nerdy, rhythmically-challenged white guy was still cool.

That said, I hereby bestow upon the 1980s the title of “Worst Decade for Fashion Ever.” Knee-high socks, tights, long shirts with belts up around the chest, neon, spandex, huge hair, painfully vivid make-up, and stone-washed denim jeans (tapered with socks tucked in!!) and jackets are all things that should have been left in the past. The current resurgence of some 80s fashion is not only alarming, but sickening. As a child of the 1980s I have many of fond memories from that decade, but the best part about the 80s is that they were over 20 years ago – no need to wear tights anymore!!

And who could forget the illustrious Ronald Reagan? The most presidential of U.S. Presidents, to be sure, but also the greatest actor of all time for fooling people into believing his rhetoric while systematically destroying the middle class through economic means. His ill-fated War on Drugs has led to the largest increase in prisoners in the world’s history (excluding well-known genocidal situations…), with present law-makers rallying against the futility and socially damaging repercussions of Mr. Reagan’s poor domestic policy.

Honorable mention: I personally believe the 80s to be the time period over which Mel Brooks created his best work. I’m not sure how my life would be different without the likes of History of the World: Part 1, Spaceballs, and Blazing Saddles just to name a few, but I am sure it would a whole hell of a lot less humorous.

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Calling Jason Morgan to Fortress of Ineptitude Solitude.

Images Used in this Post

• Lite Brite image courtesy of Flickr user Crystl published under the CC license.
• 2008 Leftovers: Zelda Gold Cart image courtesy of Flickr user Dave or Atox published under the CC license.
• Sony Walkman WM A602 image courtesy of Flickr user FaceMePLS published under the CC license.
• Big hair 80s model on white background, 1986 image courtesy of Flickr user El Caganer published under the CC license.