December is coming, and so too is Special Day Person. Children can hardly wait for this non-religious, wholly secular, androgynous being who represents all that is good on Special Day. In an era of wimps and weirdos, political correctness, and the unspoken fear of upsetting 1 of 6.7 billion people in this world; Special Day Person brings smiles to those espousing the rights of our malcontents.
Here we stand in 2008, another year for our holiday joy to be eroded by outspoken miscreants who wish to ruin pride, tradition, and well established values. Of course, by this point we are already conditioned to no longer kindly wish strangers a Merry Christmas. This longstanding pastime has been replaced with the less intrusive, Happy Holidays. Naturally, that too must pass. I mean how can we, an advanced culture harboring our inner thetans, wish a non-believer, Happy Holiday? After all the word alone is loaded with religious implication: Holiday – Holy Day?!?! We can no longer sit idly by while we alienate the 7 people in this world that will find great offense in being told to have a happy holiday.
This naturally leads us to glorious advent of Special Day, a true mark of progress in this world. It is both kind and caring, completely non-specific, unaffiliated, and utterly terrible. It is a total embarrassment which is why it stands as the perfect microcosm for our time. Beyond this, we all know deep down inside that our Special Day needs a figurehead, a symbol of hope in an otherwise darkened world, that figurehead is non other than Special Day Person. Since we no longer want to sway the thoughts of the public, Special Day Person has no appearance, his or her or its image is completely up to the individual so as not to leave that one person disenfranchised.
Special Day Person will be coming to a mall near you!
Image Used in this Post
No Religion image courtesy of Flickr user Crystl published under the CC license.
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6 Comments
So now we can have a Hall of unaffiliated and non-denominational holiday figureheads? Sounds super-best-friend, hold-hands, no-win-soccer, mouth-breather excellent.
A mildly festive, inoffensively pleasant Special Day to you too!
I don’t know … I think 3 of the 7 people would still be offended by Special Day, because “Special” implies that something good and nifty happened at some point on that day.
I think it needs to be called something like “Dough Day.” The slang meaning implies money, while the actual meaning is bread in the pre-cooked stage. I’m calling that a win.
“Have a pleasant Dough Day!”
I don’t know about special day, but I definitely a face in that image. Can anyone else see it? Look under the g in religion…looks like an eye. The face is frowning looking up and right towards the dog. When i make my eyes and vision a little fuzzy, it really jumps out.
I apologize in advance if I am just being captain obvious and it was supposed to be a face…
Then again, this could be like two people staring at the same cloud seeing two different things…
Or a bunch of people saturated with the 5th food group staring at the same puddle of Tide that spilled on a table under a black light..
A Festivus for the rest of us!
Precisely Claire.
Jon, now that you point it out, I can certainly see a face in the picture above.