On the last Thursday of every November, we Americans celebrate life the only way we know how: in the spirit of ritual we gather around a table with loved ones and eat as much as is humanly possible.
Let the Games Begin
Marathon eating is a sport that requires finesse and skill of the highest degree. Unless extreme care is taken, marathon eating tends to leave people in a state of zombie-like special education known as the food coma. The food coma is typically marked by symptoms of extreme drowsiness, a distinct inability to form meaningful sentences, and an overall desire to stop all movement and effort.
The food coma can be a good thing as long as there are couches and digital cable nearby. It should be noted that the practice of Thanksgiving preceded the invention of television. In fact, it is often debated whether TV was invented specifically to meet the needs of those plunged deep in food coma.
The food coma can be a bad thing if one’s only option is sitting at a crowded table with family members you haven’t seen in a while. When the potential for awkward conversation increases, marathon eating should be avoided. This rule of thumb can only be ignored if one is risky and revels in the opportunity to pass out mid-sentence while listening to Uncle Bob discuss his worsening issues with arthritis.
Recovery
Once the marathon is over, the recovery begins.
Be forewarned, Black Friday deals and discounts may tempt you to leave the house and mingle in high density crowds. This may not be the best option if you are still feeling burnt out from last night’s food fest.
I personally recommend staying home and indulging in lazy nothingness. If you can’t resist Black Friday, then the good news is that most major stores are offering discounts to online shoppers! This means you can save money without moving a muscle!
¡Que viva la comida!
One Comment
That video is disgusting.