1. Someone cuts you off on the freeway and you silently tell yourself to “lock S-Foils in attack positions.”
2. You notice when others speak Klingon with an accent.
3. You keep things in your house that you’ll need when the zombies come.
4. Your friends make fun of you because you never use contractions in an attempt to sound more like an android.
5. Your flashlights are full of dead batteries because you’ve had too many mock saber duels.
6. You can easily distinguish between a TIE Fighter, TIE Bomber, TIE Interceptor, or TIE Advanced, AND you know what TIE stands for.
7. You can cite technical readouts, fictional units of measure, and common tactics when arguing with your friends about which fleet would win in a battle between Babylon Five, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Battlestar Galactica.
8. You’re upset that I did not mention Star Gate in #7.
9. Rearrange your sentences to sound like a Jedi Master you do.
10. You’re confused by Han Solo’s assertion that the Millennium Falcon can make the Kessel Run in less than five Parsecs because you know that a Parsec is a unit of distance and you’re angry at George Lucas for not researching this before writing that scene (kudos to Family Guy).
OK fellow geeks. I know you’re out there. Let’s show each other just how lame we all are. If you feel that any of my technical assumptions or opinions are false, misleading, or in need of clarification than let the world hear it in the comment section. Points are awarded based on numerical proofs, anecdotal evidence, and expanded story lines that you might otherwise feel embarrassed to cite.
~Man Overboard
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44 Comments
11. When a police officer approaches the vehicle you wish you had the balls to wave your hand in a subtle manner and pensivelytell him, “You don’t need to see my identification.”
Sad thing is, Lucas actually had it right, because the Kessel run is through an area very closely surrounded by black holes. The parsecs measurement was because he ran it closer to the black holes than anyone had done before.
Knowing that makes me feel way way to geeky.
12. You say Gorram on a regular basis.
10 is completely wrong.
Yes, a Parsec is a unit of distance.
Han Solo’s was not bragging about his ships speed when he says he makes the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs. The route the Kessel run takes place on is typically 18 parsecs long. Han Solo is bragging about his piloting skills and his nav-computer which allow him to take a shorter route through the dangerous area.
The retcon explanation I heard for the Kessel Run quote is that the Kessel region is full of black holes. Therefore the faster the ship can go, the closer it can skirt them. Thus making the run in a shorter distance.
It’s 12 parsecs. And in the EU they proved it as the Kessel Run runs extremely close to a bunch of black holes. Using their distortion of space time, it is possible to actually do the run in less distance.
Also my parents sold our rifle. Now how the hell am I supposed to fight them when they get killed?
Han Solo claimed that his Millennium Falcon “made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs”. A parsec is a unit of distance, not time. Solo was not referring directly to his ship’s speed when he made this claim. Instead, he was referring to the shorter route he was able to travel by skirting the nearby Maw black hole cluster, thus making the run in under the standard distance, he may have indirectly referred to the speed of his ship here because to be able to go closer to black hole and still be able to get out of its gravitational pull you will need to be able to go faster. However, parsec relates to time in that a shorter distance equals a shorter time at the same speed. By moving closer to the black holes, Solo managed to cut the distance down to about 11.5 parsecs.
You know that the Kessel Run is not a smuggling route but, in fact, a series of evasive maneuvers that are more difficult to pull off in smaller distances.
You are more than willing to argue about this seemingly trivial point.
In this argument you are likely to bring up the fact that you own the ForceFx replication of Darth Vader’s lightsaber from The Empire Strikes Back.
You chuckled when typing because replication sounds like replicant.
As a follow up to #10: You know the ham-handed Extended Universe explanation for why Han said he did it in parsecs.
I am very impressed with how many of you read Jedi Search!
Outstanding!
You remember watching Star Blazers.
You walk through Toys R Us just to fire the laser gun toys off.
The only reason you wanted to go to Las Vegas was to go to the Hilton Hotel to go to Star Trek the Experience and you spent all day there in Quarks bar and went through the ride 4 or 5 times.
You have a six foot poster of the cover of The Army of Darkness in your living room.
Followed by posters for Lord of the rings(animated version), Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Wars, and followed by backer cards taken from the video store and you are slowly trying to wall paper you house with these backer cards.
Yes I am upset about Star Gate not getting mentioned.
You own all ten seasons and both straight top DVD movies and the special edition of the original movie for Star Gate. Hoser
You use you kids as an excuse to go toy shopping.
You are still reading this comment.
Nicely done Jack.
Oh I forgot one. You own everything you can get hands on related to Farscape and you got the joke from the first episode with Ben Browder when he went to Star Gate:SG1. If you don’t know what that is then you are no geek.
Why did you leave Stargate out of number 7?
I’ll forgive you your insolence this time.
However, have you ever tried to mix a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster?
Apologies for the omission of Farscape from #7 – a terrible oversite on my part.
I did not see Browder’s debut in Stargate, but one thing I like about the writers from that show is they are more than willing to poke fun at themselves as well as their competition.
I’m afraid attempting to out-geek The Movie Whore would be a gesture more futile than resiting The Borg.
You get irritated reading people type Stargate as Star Gate.
You have detailed arguments about which Captains from which series were the most bad ass. (Generic, but accurate. And we all know it’s Picard.)
Han Solo of course meant parsecs/hour. Just like when talking about the speed of the care you’d say it can do that many klicks instead of saying that many kilometers per hour.
KIRK!
Kirk met God and was not even impressed.
Jack you are correct.
Wow I totally relate with all of these. I went to the Star Trek convention this year in Vegas, I did eat at Quark’s bar twice, and went on the rides several times. Star Trek The Experience rest in peace.
Well I’m way out of my league but how about…while sitting lazily on your couch you notice the remote is across the room. You decided to see if the force will guide it to you thus preventing the painfully daunting task of getting up to retrieve.
For No. 10, it wasn’t Lucas who made the mistake, but Harrison Ford who improvised it.
Cisco shot first – asked questions later.
Kill em all and let the Prophets in the Worm Hole sort ‘em out!
Han Shot first
2 words: general relativity. educate yourselves, nerds.
My congratulations on your mathematical prowess. I have done some research and General Relativity is in fact two words.
TMW said “Kirk met God and was not even impressed.”
Missing ObJoke: It’s because God didn’t think he was Kirk.
13: You feel cramped in a phone booth/police box.
True SciFi geeks would understand this
shiny!
you know, on the new hope audio commentary, Lucas says “in the Star Wars universe, traveling through hyperspace requires careful navigation to avoid stars, planets, asteroids, and other obstacles.” but personally i think this is go-se. because as we all know, Space… is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how vastly hugely mindboggingly big it is… so honestly, the chances of hitting a star/moon/asteroid/leviathan are extremely small.
#10. Cmon man. Think about it before posting. Jeez.
yeah, don’t forget the Doctor…
You remember in high school gym class immediately answering “DOWN!” when asked where the opposing team’s goal was.
The Kessel Run consists of shuttling a series of cargoes between various destinations that reach periapsis in the same time frame.
The longer it takes you to get from one place to the next, the further you have to travel to get there.
You use the word Frak on a regular basis instead of another specific F word.
@31-
I did this exact same thing in school. Tonight, during my local men’s B league soccer match, someone asked which way we were going and I said “down”. He thought I was talking about the Act and got a little… pissed.
Hahaha, I totally say both Gorram and Frak XD.
- When you first saw a Furby, you screamed Tribble! and booked it from the room. (Personally I think it’s a justified reaction, those things were EVERYWERE for a while)
Regarding the “Parsecs” debate. The “Jedi Search” explanation was a well-conceived retroactive literary repair of a mistake Mr. Lucas made. We all know it, and the man is not a god. I am old enough (hee) that I have read the book (the first time around!). I *think* I recall that line being in there and thinking, even as a kid, that that sounded wrong. I’m way too tired right now to go rummaging through the attic to prove it, but I do believe it was Lucas’ mistake, not Ford’s.
And I use “Frell” on a regular basis in order to avoid setting a terrible example for my children.
A parsec is a measure of distance but the Kessel run goes so close to a black hole that for someone to do it in a short amount of parsec means the ship is A:very very fast able to break the pull of the black hole or B:The pilot is such a good navigator he found a way to traverse it in a manner to break the pull of the black hole.
Quite a few opinions on the Parsec/Kessel Run issue.
I feel I have underestimated to geekiness.
Where is the doctor?
Yes you totally forgot about Doctor Who!
Yes, Sam, I think you’re right. Although I first looked at the new Doctor Who series as a cheese ball attempt at steeling ratings from Star Gate and Star Trek.
The more I watch the show, the more impressed I am. I find myself cracking up every time. The show really is witty and has some of the best dialogue I’ve ever seen from Sci Fi.
I was a big fan of the original.
As you may have guessed by now, you totally blew it on number 10
Did I totally blow it or did Lucas hire other writers to legitimize his metric oversight?
Remember that The Kessel Run was not explained until decades after the movie script was written.
Well, you still got the number wrong. 12 != 5 :-p
I do think the explanation given is perfectly plausible, so if it was an oversight I think it has been sufficiently corrected.
Then again, my age forced me to be a late comer to the Star Wars party – the first books were already out by the time I was “in”
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