Babeled On: What is the Greatest Invention of all Time?

A letter from Jeff to the Babelonians.

On the first Tuesday of every month the Babelers will be hosting a Babeled On virtual sit-down that will incorporate the mindless drivel of our Founders.

Each month one such Babeler will enter into the Fortress of Solitude and ruminate over a topic that will be submitted to the other Babelers for consideration.

All responses will be handled via direct e-mail so that no discussion can take place between the Babelers until all replies are back in the hands of the topic creator. This is to maintain the integrity of the discussion and to keep our thoughts in a vacuum.

The responses will then be amassed into post form for all to read and mock. Every Founding Babeler minus the one who decided upon the topic will respond in whatever manner they deem appropriate.

Once all responses are prepared for release to the masses, the De facto Inquisitor of the monthly Babeled On Series will tag another Babeler who will be responsible for administering the following month’s discussion.

Let’s Get to It

Although this month’s topic is simple in nature it took me some time to come up with this question. It wasn’t until a mid-day quest to Taco Bell that the question became apparent – What is the Greatest Invention of all Time?

Andrew Blanco

The greatest invention of all time is the toilet and the public sanitation system in general. I’m immensely grateful for being born in a time where there is an infrastructure that keeps excrement off the streets. I think it’s safe to say that public sanitation systems have helped reduce the risk of disease and global epidemics, and likewise have contributed to the insane population growth of the last century.

Jason Morgan

The wire hanger is undoubtedly the greatest invention of all time. The wire hanger has found itself assisting people in many predicaments that are a far cry from the intended purpose of hanging clothes. Wire coat hangers are the ultimate all-purpose tool that can be molded to fit the unique needs of a given problem. I have used wire hangers to fix a sink, opened locked doors (home and car), puncture things (not illegally), assemble furniture, substitute for pipe-strap, dispense corporal punishment to underlings, and, of course, hang clothes. Wire hanger, I think I love you.

Gregory Rineberg

This is a tough question… There are just too many choices. Going with something mechanical and inventive I would have to say the “Greatest Invention of All Time” is the Gutenberg Printing Press. Developed at the start of the Renaissance Period, this invention allowed information and thoughts to spread quickly throughout the known world. In turn this invention was great for mankind because it allowed minds to flourish with knowledge and creativity.

Greg Molyneux

Without question it is the paper airplane. The Wrong Sisters did it right back in Nineteen Ought Three (1903 to the ill-informed, uneducated, and malnourished). The impact paper airplanes left on society would prove to be devastating. Open wounds, gouged eyeballs, paper cuts, and unpredictable flight plans would dash the hopes and dreams of civilians everywhere. In fact, it was such a travesty it was glorious.

After World War II, profound modifications came to the paper airplane; watershed additions like the paper clip, folded wing tips, jet propolsion and the advent of construction paper would turn mere enthusiasts into aviation immortals. This was a Golden Era for the United States.

Unfortunately, the honeymoon was not to last. During the Vietnam Conflict, paper airplanes were deployed without the ability to dogfight. Military strategists grossly miscalculated the ongoing need for close flight engagements that were the hallmark during the Second World War and Korea, where American kill ratios were 12:1. Vietnam saw that number drop to 3:1 all because the F4 Paper Phantom was not originally equipped with a machine gun. This left the Phantom vulnerable to highly manuverable Paper Migs. The close quarter combat manuvers rendered heat-seeking paper a liability at close range.

Fortunately, our paper aviation initiative was back on track when space-aged paper spy planes and paper stealth technologies were born out of Cold War proliferation. Once the high altitude U2 Paper Spy Plane was shot down by Lego Communists a drastic change was needed. Thanks in large part to the covert Skunk Works Paper Foundries, transparencies were used to create planes that neither radar nor eyes could see.

Without paper we could not write upon the planes we fly.

Jack Gamble

Without a doubt, the greatest fruit of man’s collective genius is “Big Mouth Billy Bass.” What better way to usher in the next great age of human enlightenment that an unassuming dead trophy largemouth suddenly reanimated with the divine purpose of singing the classics while flapping its fins.

Genius!