Man Overboard!

What you are about to read is an exclusive interview with one of the founders and full time writing staff for Babeled.  Jack Gamble has spent the last year writing some top notch articles concerning nuclear energy, politics, and zombies.  While you may have gained some sense of who Gamble is from the topics he has chosen to write about, in truth only Gamble speaking on Gamble’s behalf can do Gamble justice.

So then, let the interviewing commence…

Andrew Blanco (AB): Explain the name ‘Man Overboard’?

Jack Gamble (JG): The phrase ‘Man Overboard’ is derived from two things:  First and foremost is my former job as a North Atlantic Commercial Fisherman in which I once had the pleasure of falling overboard in January and was forced to call out my future nickname to alert my shipmates.  The second meaning to my nickname is the unfounded accusation that I tend to overreact to or exaggerate certain issues - but whomever contrived that hurtful lie is obviously an anti-American terrorist hippie with one hand on an AK-47 and the other one wrapped around Alanis Morissette’s god forsaken throat.

AB: How did you get involved in a nuclear career?

JG: By chance really.  One day I realized that shucking scallops was not the best way to make use of my degree in Mechanical Engineering.  So after yet another batch of helpful and appreciated advice from Mom I finally caved and applied for a position as a Nuclear Engineer via Monster.com.

AB: What is your dream job?

JG: Right now there is nothing I would rather do than help generate cheap, clean Megawatts of electricity which takes money out of the pockets of those murdering bastards that take our money and use it to try and kill us.

AB: Do you love or hate New Jersey?

JG: Both.  I love my Ocean - yea it’s mine.  However, as a side effect to my residence here I do suffer from an acute case of representation by elected officials from the Democratic Party.

AB: What pisses you off more than anything else on the planet?

JG: Vegans.  I’m going to become a Meatetarian and eat only Vegans.  It’s the only way to maintain the delicate balance that mother nature intended.

AB: If you could be born during any time in history when would it be?

JG: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

AB: If you could be any Star Wars character who would you be?

JG: Han Solo.  No doubt about it.  Kick ass ride, 7 foot tall and incredibly loyal Wookie bodyguard, and the victory celebration in Ewok village with Leia that they couldn’t show you.

AB: Which episode of Star Wars is the best?

JG: Return - The space battle was incredible even for today’s special effects let alone mid 80’s.  UUU-Tay-DEEE

AB: If you were stranded on a desert island for the rest of your life what three items would you WANT to have with you?

JG: Ginger, Mary Ann, and a monkey butler (one at first, but he’ll train others).

AB: If you had the opportunity to run for president what would be your platform?

JG: It would be a solid platform of reinforced 4×4 lumber with 3/4″ plywood coating. 10′ wide x 10′ long and at least 6′ tall so I might look down upon my constituency from my Mohagony podium.  It would also feature red white and blue ribbon trim and an attractive woman repeating my words in sign language despite no deaf people in the audience.

AB: If you had your own talk show on TV what would it be called?

JG: It would be called “Feeling Better About Yourself by Watching Rednecks Fight Over Stupid Crap” with your host, Former President and Future Hall of Famer, Jack A. Gamble.

AB: What could you build me with a box of paperclips, a jar of peanut butter, industrial strength Epoxy, plywood, a funnel, and a can of black paint?

JG: Well, it’s a work in progress, but my initial sketch looks a little something like this…

AB: If Jack Gamble all of a sudden became God, what would be the new Ten Commandments?

JG:

Just in case you have trouble reading the image…

  1. George Lucas shalt not have creative control.
  2. I am your god - thou shalt force liberals to listen to prayers to me in government buildings.
  3. Thou shalt not display thy parkway exit number on thy bumper.
  4. My boss shalt remember the Sabbath day and especially shalt not call me into work on aforementioned Sabbath.
  5. Thine aren’t the droids thy looks for.
  6. Thou shalt vote Republican.
  7. Thou shalt keep moving and not wait for thy green light at the toll booth especially when thy God is stuck behind thou and late for work.
  8. Thou shalt not bare false witness.  Unless thy false witness is Jessica Alba - in which case thou shalt fully bare false witness.
  9. Thou shalt shun the Metric System as un-American thus ending thy NINE COMMANDMENTS.

Image courtesy of NASA