A lot of people [have a dirty bowel]. In fact, this is fairly common. [Spending millions] is the common argument against [a colon clense], and most people value their [millions] too much to consider anything but [fixing their dirty bowels].

However, there are a growing number of people interested in [a colon clense], so I have written a step-by-step guide, as I myself have been [cleansing colons] for many years. I find it [enlightening], [empowering], and it reduces my [crap].

["A cleaner bowel is a gentler bowel" ~Publius Ovidius Naso]

[clean bowel gets you:
*noticed
*employment
*cool blog
*no chicks]

~ [Popular Commodes] 2005

It is true that a lot of people are worried about [spending millions] when considering [a colon cleanse], but it turns out this is actually [somewhat worthwhile] if you [squeeze a little bit]. Not only that, but with a little extra work, [millions] can be [squandered minimizing the millions in the bank you are forced to spend].

Everything You Need

First, it is useful to know that you have everything you need at hand.

Things you will need:
1. [Plunger]. This goes without saying.
2. [10,000] [plungers]. I experimented for a long time, and this is the [reason you need 10,000].
3. [Box Fan]. A lot of people will [scoff] at the idea, but it turns out that [box fan blows the smell into your girlfriends bedroom (think enhanced dutch oven)].
4. [Sparkling] [turkey baster]. I can not understate ‘[sparkling] enough! Many people ignore this, but rest assured that this will affect the outcome. You may feel like you are avoiding [spending millions] if you do this step, but this will affect the quality of [the colon clense], rendering this whole guide worthless.
5. [Lawn Jockey]

The Process

As with all things, [a pyramid] is the most important part of this process. Failure to [place the pyramid] correctly will obviously lead to [an aborted fetus]. You will then need to [go back to work], so let’s try to avoid that and [place the pyramid] properly! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

The Steps

1. [Call your therapist]. DO NOT FORGET THIS! If you do not, [a colon cleanse without your overpaid shrink] will [lead to further depression].
2. [Marinate in your own filth].
3. [Watch gas prices rise]. However, when I do it, [I gouge my eyes out with a spoon].
4. [Read Babeled]. This is a step that most people breeze over, but you must [read carefully], otherwise [itchy] [feet] will happen.
5. [Say meow 10 times]. This is where I generally deviate from the common practice. I find that [meowing is far superior to barking like a dog].
6. [Turn off the lights]
7. [Fart] [bike tire]. You’re done!

As you can see, this is not a very difficult process, and with a little practice, you can easily perfect it. Your first attempt may or may not [rock] on the first try, but with a little practice, [jonesing].
Minimizing [spending millions]

Obviously, [spending millions] still could be a deterrant. However, developing [locomotion] requires only a little bit of [euros], but the results are well-worth it.

There you have it! I hope this guide was able to help somebody.

Note: Author is [an orthopedic bone surgeon] at [CERN]. [He] also enjoys [eating tea and crumpets] and [stump jumping] with his [loving and rich family].

~ Emmett Fitz-Hume, Spies Like Us (1985)

It’s a madlib blog post.

Interesting approach. made for one weird read though.