Attention all Spendocrats, listen up!

It is time to dismount from your donkeys and offer up some good ole’ fashion practicality for once. Before I go on ranting from my virtual pedestal, I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know squat about this whole political game. There is way too much filth I to wade through in a vain attempt to figure it all out. The one commitment I made from the onset of this exercise in futility was to never become a party lackey who simply tows the party line. I am too arrogant and I need to think for myself, and I was never one for labels anyway. Besides, does it really make much sense to have all of your decisions made before you even pretend to have a clue? Hell, I’d rather talk out my ass than have some suit do it for me.

That said, in my lifetime I have been routinely underwhelmed by what the political progeny of Thomas Jefferson and James Madison has brought to the table. Your party has been lackluster in both candidates and ideology - with Bill Clinton being the one notable exception (caution: I am warming quickly to the Elitist Barack Obama).

Fundamentally my biggest issue rests with the token Democrat fix-all solution of raising taxes; assuming throwing money at all our problems serves as the world’s greatest Band Aid. Believe me I understand and sympathize with the many social needs that plague our fellow citizens. Our health care system is a mess, social security needs to be addressed (and eliminated), a deserved welfare program is essential to the survival of our less fortunate, and the rising costs of education always is a concern. Not to mention our entire energy and transportation infrastructure needs a massive overhaul that would write off our reliance on coal burning fossil fuels into posterity.

Sadly, your wondrous strategy of ‘its cold in here so let’s throw more money onto the fire’ just doesn’t suffice. The hard earned money of my fellow tax payers is not worth your poor spending track record. Sure Republicans are no better with their cash handling skills, but at least they generally take less of it away from us. All this government consistently reaffirms to its people is its uncanny ability to spend more money than is collected via the income tax.

How is it that every successful company in this great country manages to perform a biblical miracle by walking on water and operating in the black? As a government, it is time you start treating citizens of this country in the manner they ought to be treated - as shareholders of these United States. We vote and let’s not forget pay you to work for us, act in our best interest, and ultimately run this country as though you have some semblance of legitimate mental capacity. Sorry, but the ability to finger paint is not the maximum requirement for bestowing us with the honor of your dedicated public service.

So my personal challenge is simple; why don’t you demonstrate real worth and prove to me and my fellow shareholders why we should vote for you and willingly invest more of our hard earned money into your social programs? Many of my fellow citizens want to assist our brothers in country to establish a stronger, more perfect Union. If only the members of our government could simply demonstrate competence which includes a lack of corruption, many of our problems would be solved. How is it that career politicians are allowed to stay in office, do next to zero work (sleeping with interns doesn’t count), raise taxes, offer no bid contracts to their brother-in-law’s company, and collect 6 pensions when they decide to finally hang it up after 37 years of sweat and toil in office? That’s right I am talking to you Mr. Lifetime Democratic New Jersey Senator Guy. But I mean seriously, it’s okay we can just raise taxes, the price of tolls (for the next one hundred years), and costs per click of your Internet time while we’re at it - with a double tax when you’re looking at porn.

But where the Democratic Party is most seriously lacking is leadership. Gone are the days of charismatic leaders like Jefferson, Jackson, Roosevelt, and Kennedy. Many of our greatest Presidents are your democratic kin and what are you doing to honor that legacy? Nothing. Merely resting on laurels that have long dried up. The only platform you can muster is to habitually disagree with your fated political adversary, the Republicans. Really, how tough is it to simply take the opposite stance on every issue? It is a tiresome and transparent ploy. Those are skills we all developed back in pre-school when we were busy flinging snot on the bathroom walls. Has it really resorted to “I know you are but what am I?”

Warning: Incoming Anecdote

Renowned democratic President, Andrew Jackson was famously told his party was made up of a bunch of jackass’. You know what he did, embraced it and turned it into the donkey symbol that would serve as the rallying cry of the once strong Democratic Party. General Jackson was a crazy S.O.B that could clearly care less if you called him names (this was a guy who killed people). He was just going to throw it right back in your face because he was tougher and crazier then you anyway. Jackson played the part of war hero better than anyone - telling the Supreme Court to go shove it when John Marshall ruled against Jackson’s presidential injunction. Retorting the Chief Justice’s decision to side with the Native Americans, making it illegal to remove the Cherokee Nation from their ancestral home in Georgia, Jackson cantankerously replied, “John Marshall has made his decision, now let him enforce it!” Of course this led to the infamous Trail of Tears. As a man of principle he would not allow himself, his people, or his party to be stepped on. He walked softly and he carried a big stick long before the Rough Rider ever did.

This is precisely the leadership Democrats and the rest of this country sorely needs. Someone who is going to kick us all in the rear, calling us all out for the jackass’ we’ve become. It is a sad irony Democrats, you have regressed into a limp noodle party that does not have a clue, and as yet does not deserve the hard earned money of my fellow tax payers. I implore you, wisen up and earn our votes. This nation needs both sides of the political spectrum to come forward with standout candidates in order to drive our return to greatness. Until then, there is a quote I heard a while back that sums up the present state of the two party system quite nicely: “The Republicans are the Party with bad ideas, while the Democrats are the Party with no ideas.”

And don’t laugh too hard Republicans; you too are far from perfect and John McCain will lose the 2008 Presidential Election - whether it is Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton. And I hope to God it is Obama.