This is a true story of how I became entangled in a pyramid scheme . . .

Upon my graduation from college in 2004, I actively sought employment in the sales world. I found a great opportunity, or so I thought when I interviewed with Scentura Creations. They were located on top of a little bodega in downtown Freehold. I had two interviews with them and I was so proud that I was selected to be a salesperson for this company. I thought that this was a great opportunity as I was promised my own selling office after only 6 months. I showed up on the first day, Monday, wearing a suit and tie and was as eager as ever to join their team of sales people. I lasted in Scentura Creations for one week before I hung in the proverbial towel and just walked away.

Monday: I spent the first 4 hours of my day in a training class with other newbies or FNG’s (F@!king New Guys). Here we learned about Scentura Creations, such as where the headquarters was located, who the CEO was (by the way Larry Hahn was the principal founder and CEO), how they make money, and where the perfume/cologne came from. And we were told that it was left over perfume/cologne that bigger companies throw out; so I was convinced that it was legit. Due to my usual child-like optimism I didn’t realize that this meant it came off the back of trucks and I was eager to be the best sales person in the company. I kept a detailed notebook of the inner workings of Scentura Creations with their career tracks, sales pitch, and selling points. I also was introduced to Raul and Javier, two Mexican bruisers, that made sure that we either bring money or perfume/cologne back to the office. We were told that if we failed to do either, that these two would come looking for us.

We were taught about what a GUMP is. A GUMP, ladies and gentlemen, is a guy or girl under my power. That is to say a typical idiot consumer that might actually buy bootleg perfume. I was taught new vernacular, such as making a drop is equivalent to making a sale and trying to sell was called pushing. (I didn’t realize it at the time, but this is the same terminology they use when trafficking drugs.) We were also taught that we were encouraged to run away from the police if they saw us trying to push. Once again, due to my happenstance to ignore certain important mind-blowing points, I didn’t realize what I was slowly getting myself into. We went out for the remainder of the day where I witnessed more experienced sales people making drops, habla espanol con Mexicanos, and all the meanwhile I was taking mental notes of what I need to do to become successful with Scentura Creations. I also learned what ‘Scentura Driving’ was. What you don’t know? It’s driving highly illegally through towns, like speeding, making illegal U-turns, not obeying traffic laws, etc. But this was all, ok because we were performing ‘Scentura Driving’.

Tuesday: I reported to the office promptly at 9 AM, wearing my usual suit and tie. Once again, we had our morning in class training, where we continued to learn about the inner workings of Scentura Creations and practiced our sales pitch. Naturally, I was great at my sales pitch and quickly became somewhat of their new prodigy. Their “Golden Boy”, if you will. At around noon, we broke off in teams to go and start using our newly found powers of selling. I was teamed up with 3 others; a girl, Kristin, this guy, E, and this other guy, Matt. We hit the road to make our drops and we first went to a strip mall. The afternoon was not going well for me, as I hadn’t been able to make the drop. We stopped to get something to eat and continued to push. Then it happened, I made a drop to cashier at a local retailer. My team was ecstatic for me and I was happy as well. They said that I had ‘popped my selling cherry’. We went back to the office with my money and perfume. We had an afternoon class before we left for the day and all of the newbies that had ‘popped their cherries’ had to get up in front of class and celebrate. This celebration consisted of being given a metallic ball to hold while you perform this crazy dance for everybody, while they were chanting:

Go Greg, Go Greg, Go Crazy Motivated Greg!

Wednesday: I reported to work at the same time wearing my usual attire ready to make some drops. Morning class was dismissed early, and I went out with my team from the day before. However, this time I had to drive. The four of us got into my ‘99 Cavalier and drove to the mall. When we got there I was told by the more experienced E and Kristin that I was encouraged to run from mall security and that I should be careful to not be caught. Ok, no problem. I carried around my book bag with 6 bottles of cologne and went on the prowl to make drops to GUMP’s with no juice. I found one, a teenager in the food court. I approached him, whilst he was sitting down eating his lunch and gave him my sales pitch. I performed with such fluidity that he had no choice but to buy some cologne off of me. I had done it once again, I made a drop. We walked around some more, until security noticed one of us and we quickly made our exit. There were a couple more fruitless hours of selling and then we went back to the office. It was here that a bunch of the more experienced sales people decided that they wanted to go ‘night merching’, a term that denotes pushing and dropping at night. Eager to make more money and move up in the ranks, I decided to go with them.

I picked up E around 9 PM from his house and we left to go pick up Kristin at her house. On the way to her house, we stopped at some gas stations attempting to drop and when we finally got there it was around 10 PM. She lived in a little shack located in the backyard of much larger house right behind a rest stop. Once we got there we went in and hung out for awhile. She disclosed all personal information, like her relationship with her parents, how her boyfriend left her, and how much her job at Scentura Creations was the best thing. She then explained to me and E that her bathtub is all out of whack and pours black water due to the sinking of her shack. She eagerly showed us how bad her house was sinking when she rolled from the kitchen to the living room with ease in her chair. After sitting there awhile and after her numerous attempts to seduce me or E, neither of us could tell. Me and E decided to promptly make our exit and go ‘night merching’. We were both pretty bugged out and as I hastily drove away from her house, I tore up the front lawn of the farm. I dropped E off to continue to go ‘night merching’ and I went home to seriously rethink my life.

Thursday: I returned to work again, not really sure why, but I take my jobs seriously and what kind of an employee would I be if I didn’t. Morning class was completely dismissed this time and we immediately departed to go ‘merching’. However, the teams were different. This time I was teamed up with this hot chick, Brittany, and some grossly obese guy, Pat. We got into my car, whereupon I felt the right side of my car sink. We drove around all day going to local convenience stores, gas stations, etc. I didn’t make a drop all day, in fact I really wasn’t trying; I was just trying to make sense of everything. For the most of my day, I was talking to Brittany, whom I a had the hots for. We went back to the office and I left for the day.

That night I traveled towards South Jersey to see my group of friends, where I told them this story for approximately 6 hours. Some laughed, some cried, but all told me that I was involved in a pyramid scheme. At first, I was like “no way”, and attempted to explain to them that I was involved in a legit business. I even brought in my notebook so I could show them. They told me that I had been brainwashed and that I needed to get out. They told me that I was the GUMP with no juice and that I needed to quit right away. Eventually, after much convincing I agreed that they were right and that I would quit first thing in the AM.

Friday: I didn’t go to sleep that night, as I got home from South Jersey at around 7 AM where I told my mother that I was quitting my job, explaining to her everything and that I was involved in a pyramid scheme. I arrived at work a little earlier than usual with my boxes of perfume/cologne and went to talk to the boss in the office. I turned in my boxes (I didn’t want Raul and Javier to come looking for me) and told them that I had found a better a job doing construction. They were disappointed and tried to convince me to stay, but I left. As I left I felt the gauntlet of stares from everyone and was happy to finally get in my car and on the road back home. About half way home I got a phone call from Brittany asking me to come back, saying that she forgot her cell phone charger in my car. I turned around, once again rethinking how dumb I am, and went back to the office. I quickly went in, handed her the phone charger and left. This time for good.

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