In Celebration of yet another installment in George Romero’s *blank* of the Dead series, I have compiled a brief inventory of 10 must-haves in the event you find yourself smack-dab in the middle of Diary of the Dead.

1. Shotgun (infinite ammo required): When zombie heads need ’splodin, accept no substitutes.

2. Bottled Water and Non-perishables: You’re going to be held-up in your makeshift impenetrable fortress for some time. After all, we are yet to establish how long it takes for a zombie to starve to death - if at all. The water will run out first, so a means of capturing rain water will be in order.

3. Hammer and Nails: Your landlord just had to install a bay window in your living room. Now you’re going to need something to hold back the zombie mob. Take interior doors off of hinges, remove studs from non-load bearing walls, and nail said materials over windows and presto - instant Zombie barrier.

4. Gun/Survival Enthusiast: The Family Ties guy from tremors would be ideal due to limited mental weaknesses but if Burt is not available you will need an Ex-cop, Marine, Navy Seal, or Heavy Weight Champion to form the backbone of your ground defense. Caution: These characters are inevitably bitten and become formidable Zombies. Plan for the worst.

5. Lawnmower: warning - not for the squeamish - Best zombie moment EVER!

6. Blunt Objects: Reference Shaun of the Dead. Go for durability. I’m thinking Aluminum Easton or a Tire Iron. Avoid wood, thin shafts, and remember, knives are useless - they’re zombies, stupid.

7. Body Armor: Remarkably omitted from most Zombie flicks. We’re not stopping bullets here, just teeth. I’m thinking full Kevlar, helmet with Lexan face shield, steel toed boots, and chain mail gloves. Provided there are enough of you, try to combine the armor with the blunt objects and utilize a Phalanx formation to stop the Zombies dead in their tracks at the point of entry into your recently penetrated impenetrable fortress.

8. Hard Decision Maker: Sooner or later little Timmy will get bitten and become a Zombie. Someone needs to make the easy - yet surprisingly debated decision to put one in Timmy’s head before he turns. If not, Zombie Timmy will kill the Gun Enthusiast, the Promiscuous Harlot, the Elderly Couple, the Comic Relief, and of course break down the barrier causing a catastrophic breach of anti-zombie security. This scenario consistently repeats itself with only the Protagonist, his love interest, and the guy you’ve wished dead since opening credits left alive.

9. Gassed up Truck Just Beyond Reach: So there’s ten of you and the truck seats four. Not to worry. The rest of the group won’t make it. I’m thinking at least half will die during the dash. Hint: You don’t want to be the first out the door or the last. When in doubt, stay close to someone slower than you.

10. Last Rights: Nobody survives a Zombie invasion - Nobody. The sooner you accept this fact and make peace with your untimely demise the sooner the director can have his final scare that kills off you and the remainder of your party thus ending the flick and cutting directly to credits backed up by generic death-metal.

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